BlueFlower

BlueFlower
I really like to play with photography.

9.24.2007

A very New Me Continued

Here's another post of mine from Human Heaven. It still goes into further detail of what I have been coming to learn. Let me know what you think! In other words, if you think I am totally cracked up or not.
YFTCF
Greg


"I'm not judging myself or anyone else, but I do not believe I am obeying God if I continually look at and lust over women. Was it not you filth-man who said that Christ came and set a standard far beyond what anyone else ever even considered? That is "If you even look at a women lustfully, you have commited adultry in your heart with her." What about that? I am not being obedient to God if I continually lust. And you still don't seem to understand what I mean. I will resist, but that resistance has to bring about a complete change of heart one day. Resitance, if it does not bring about a change one day, means nothing to me. The goal that I press on for and pray for is a completely changed heart. It is not a religion where I have to say "I can't do this" "I can't do that" "These are the standards Christ laid out and I have to meet them" it's a faith that says "Thank you God for changing my heart, giving me your heart, that I may be forever in communion with you, as a friend." To simply obey is not the faith I want, the faith I want is a faith where I am walking with God in the garden of Eden being in communion with Him, Having His heart and His desires planted in me, figuratively speaking. Why do we have to settle for less?

Your dad was quoting Romans 7:13-25. However, you cannot forget or leave out the chapters before or after those. Paul talks about living life in the Spirit, that obedience doesn't flow from "I have to do this, I have to do that" but from friendship and communion with God. A relationship where He doesn't tell us what we're not supposed to do, but one where He changes our heart so we don't even consider doing those things in the first place. Does this mean it takes away our choice? Not at all, we still choose not to lust, not to hate etc. but those choices are strengthened by a heart that doesn't desire those things anymore. It's like me and pizza; I am lactose intolerent now (i developed it in 2005) and pizza happens to be the worst for me. I liked pizza, but because of what it does to me I don't even desire to eat it anymore and therefore, I choose not to. The choice for me to eat is still there, but I don't desire to. There is a verse here that I absolutely love. Romans 7:16-19 "When I act against my own will, by that very fact I agree that the law is good. This indicates that it is not I who do it, but sin which resides in me. I know that no good dwells in me, that is, in my flesh; the desire to do right is there, but not the power. What happens is that I do, not the good i will to do, but the evil I do not intend." Since chirst set that rather large standard (i agree, to show us we can't even attain it on our own)that even the desire to sleep with someone is sin, why then should I have to go through life always having to 'avert my eyes' to keep those desires from rising up in myself? I understand that Paul says Christ came to set us free from that law, of knowing what i want to do but not being able to do it. This was just one of many things I am pressing for, but the reason being is because I want to be free to look at my sisters in christ without having my mind going immediately to how good looking they are and how much i want to just sleep with them. I don't struggle with this so much with my female friends who are spoken for, like Elina, it's the ones that are single or the ones I simply don't know personally and don't know if they're single that I struggle with.

Anyways, I'm leaving it at that. I am pressing for a change of heart in this area, and many others, because I know I don't have to live with it the rest of my life. No longer simple obedience, but a change of heart, no longer simple "good feelings" but a change of heart."

9.23.2007

A Very New Me

So It's been a while. Some friends and family of mine are complaining that they can't view my myspace because it takes too long to load on their slower connections so I decided to start posting on here again. The following paragraphs are what God has been showing me and telling me lately.
First a few updates, Colorado didn't work out. Lea is a non-issue now, I had, and broke up with another girlfriend because she is moving to Belfast, for good, and I was forest fire fighting for the summer. Oh yeah.... I forgot to mention that I am producing a promotional DVD for my area. I start filming this week!!! Oh yeah, another thing. I am also in the process of writing a story.
God Bless all!

Greg

Here are those posts.

"I just finished reading the novel, "The Shack". It is an incredibly delicious and powerful story that every human being on the planet should read one day. I have been praying for a very long time about what friends and friendship truly mean. As things happen to me I've come to formulate a very high perception of what it means to be friends, this you know already from some of my previous posts. I had ended up talking to a very good freind of mine a couple months ago about this very matter. He had mentioned that maybe, the way I see friendship was the way God wanted us to be friends with Him. You know the standard, that there is ultimate trust between friends, that truth and honesty rule and that to be called a 'friend' means so much more than mere acquaintences, as this world so lovingly embraces; that to be called a freind means you embark on something that is immeasurably deep and profound. When we were talking about it, we could sense that we didn't come to a full understanding of how God sees friendship. That, yes, He sees it as something that is deep and goes beyond the simple mundane, but we felt there was something more, or at least I did, I cannot speak for Jay, I can only trust, through understanding the character that he is, that he felt the same as I did. The last couple months have been spent in utter prayer, I have been desiring to know what God's view was on the matter. And then I read "The Shack" and although it confirmed (and yes this statement will shatter the boundaries of reason for you) in me that God's view of friendship was the same as I have been thinking the past few months, it also entirely contradicted the view I had set up as to what friendship with Him and everyone else should look like. Why you ask? How could the book confirm, yet also contradict what I have come to believe? Because the novel opened a whole new door on what God's Character truly is. without quoting the book (which would take a while) it is impossible for me to explain fully the realization that I have come to. There is a point, near the end of the book where God, as all three entities each sitting at the table as if they were 3 spereate people (and yet still one) is talking to Mack, the main character. God the Spirit takes the task of explaining an incredible truth to Mack and the other 2 of the three interject now and then with samll comments to re-inforce what the Spirit is saying. The Spirit is talking to Mack about God being a Verb "I am" and how that verb brings life and dynamic to the world and to their very being of who God is. It's explaining (forgive me for the non-gender noun) to Mack how humans have taken verbs and 'nouns with movement and experience buried inside of them; the ability to respond to expectancy' (pg. 205) to nouns that take all life, all the expectancy, out and rather replace them with responsibility and expectation. The Spirit goes on to give the eample of friendship. When i first read it my reaction was quite similar to that of Macks throughout the whole book. I wanted to rise up and defend myself and say "But...!!!!" here's what the Spirit says in the novel,
"Mack, if you and I are friends, there is an expectancy that exists within our relationship. When we see each other or are apart, there is expectancy of being together, of laughing and talking (of being deep friends, i will add for myself). That expectancy has no concrete definition; it is alive and dynamic and everything that emerges from our being together is a unique gift shared by no one else. But what happens if I change that 'expectancy' to an 'expectation' - spoken or unspoken? Suddenly, law has entered into our relationship. You are now expected to perform in a way that meets my expectations. Our living friendship rapidly deteriorates into a dead thing with rules and requirements. It is no longer about you and me, but about what friends are supposed to do, or the responsibilities of a good friend." Those statements shook me to my very core and everything that I was wanted to rise up in defense of the stance that I had. And then, totally sperate from the book but still connected, God spoke to me. You see, His character, as I have come to now understand, is not one of rules and regulations, it is not one of me having to perform to meet a set of standards He has set out for me. His character, although He loves me dearly, is one where He will desire and long for me to have a deep and meaningful relationship with Him, but will never force it upon me. My relationship with Him will go as deep as I allow it to go. And it was then, when i realized all this, that He really rocked my world. He told me -not through the book as the book didn't mention this- that, yes, He desires us humans to have deep and meaningful relationships with others, that to be friends would mean to expereince something so deep, mysterious and incredible and amazing. However, because He will not force us, or more importantly me, to have that kind of relationship with Him, I, even though I strongly desire and long for those types of relationships with people, cannot force anyone to live in those kinds of expectations. Indeed, to be truly immeresed in His Character and to truly be someone who follows His example, even though I do desire to have those kinds of relationships, it is my duty to let go of the expectation and allow my friends to choose to enter into a relationship like that. To choose to be honest, to trust, and to enjoy that. It is not wrong if they don't choose, what is wrong is if I never gave them the chance to choose. That is God's Love, that is what it means. You have no idea how big this revelation is to me, I feel as if I fully understand now why God died on a cross for me, why God allowed me, allowed us to choose Him or the Tree of the Knowledge of Good and Evil. Without choice, there can be no Love; without Choice, there can be no friendship, or rather, no joy within that 'friendship' or 'relationship'. And if there is noy joy, is there really a friendship? It has completely rocked my world and turned it so upside down from what i concieved it to be. The novel managed to do something that hasn't occoured since i first became a Christian, and that is truly convict me, not condemn, for something I had believed and held onto that was so twisted. It revealed my true and utter selfishness and yet I am overjoyed. I feel no guilt, but I am utterly and truly sorry for it. Yes, I saw God's desire for how He wants us to live and be friends, but like everyone else and like satan himself, I took what was good and twisted it to serve my own ends. I am so overjoyed that God has forgiven me, I am so overjoyed.
I pray everyone I have ever hurt before in the past can forgive me. I pray i can be a model of this kind of relationship, of this kind of love, to the world I live in and that God would give me the strength and grace to let go of my selfishness. This is the true treasure He wants me to let go, the treasure of my control over the world in which I live and just trust Him, and I do, Trust Him.
I love you all
Your sincere friend and brother in Christ
Gregory"

"Hey there,

So the following paragraphs are from a couple posts I put up at www.humanheaven.com
They touch on what I leanred about freindship, but it's carried over into a whole bunch of different areas. Please, read them and let me know what you think.
Before I post them both, there is a quote from one of them I want you to read first:

"It's healthy to disucss and understand things, they're both a means to an end; the end being that we can truly grow in our faith. But if we are not careful, discussion and understanding can suffocate and dry out the very end that we wish to come to."

Here's the rest of it, that quote above was just to get you thinking on the same track as I am on:

"I've been kind of at a fork in the road. I've been constantly asking the question of why humans like to discuss things so much. All this stuff I've posted so far is all just knowledge. I can get so caught up with trying to understand things with my head that I forget to stop and understand them with my heart. It's good to discuss things, but is that all we're supposed to do? Sit in our rooms or wherever and formulate theories? Study the Bible for the sake of gleaning some unknown truth hidden amongst it's pages? I've been feeling that it's just all so lifeless and dry. I've felt so lifeless and dry, like my faith was reduced (and it's not because of this website) to cramming knowledge into my head. And of late, I've been praying for God to show me, not how to think and form theories of faith, but to learn to walk in faith. I have a saying that goes "You can poke and prod something from the outside all you want and only come to a simple understanding of it. But it's not until you step inside it, until you enter it, that you will come to understand it fully, as it was meant to be understood." Basically, I'm tired of my words and I just want to expereince real love, real relationship, and real fellowship with God. That is why I am so frustrated right now. Yes, all these things I've said are what I have come to believe but I could really care less, I just want a relationship with Him and that's all that matters to me right now. Everything else melts away, because all that matters is that relationship with Him. So yeah, I'm not trying to understand things anymore, I'm just trying to have a real faith and a real trust in God. The Bible being complete, prophecies being true or false, big churches verses small churches, slavery vs. freedom, all of that means very little when you stop, focus on and live out God's Love. Maybe that's what paul meant by His verse that you brought up Elina, I don't know. But it's where I am at and truly, all this stuff seems to pale in comparison. It's quite a weird palce to be in. It's like my whole world has been turned on end. All this is why I've been so frustrated with churches, with denominations, with dry knowledge, with religion... It doesn't matter to me if so and so is a great speaker, or if such and such denomination has more of it right than the others... It just doesn't matter to me anymore... There's so much more to this Life of following Jesus than all these other things combined. I dunno. So Filth-man. I m sorry if i seem frustrated at you. I'm not, I am frustrated at myself because I see what I have limited myself to. You may not limit yourselves by all this, but I have been. It's... quite hard to explain where I am at really... It's like I've limited my faith by saying many things like "This is how you determine a false prophet." or "This is what it means to be a friend." or "Following God means you do this and this and this." and I've come to see that by setting those types of definite values of what this and that mean, I've stifled and suffocated the relationship God wants me to have with Him and others. Anyways, I will leave it at that. I might be posting a recent testimony of mine," (for you blog readers, that's the "A New Understanding" post) "but I havn't decided if i wanted to yet or not. However, it will explain more of this and probably in a better way."

"Oh no, don't get me wrong. I think understanding things is good, but, what does that understanding lead us to? I mean, to debate and talk about things is awesome, but... let me put it this way. It's healthy to disucss and understand things, they're both a means to an end; the end being that we can truly grow in our faith. But if we are not careful, discussion and understanding can suffocate and dry out the very end that we wish to come to. Which isn't knowledge, but relationship with God. And no, it wasn't you who brought this frustration on me, I've always sought knowledge. I studied revelations for 6 months straight once. I was reading my Bible sure, but I wasn't getting anything from it for my heart. I did a lot of research, comparing every passage of scripture that talked about the end times, focusing mostly on Daniel, Matthew and Revelations. I brought some good things out of that for sure, but did it help me grow closer to God or did it just fill my head with knowledge? Do you see what I am getting at? I find it more useful to me now to grow closer in my relationship with God than it is to constantly fill my head with knowledge. If I serve God with my head, but not my heart, what good will it do me? If i worship God with my head, and not my heart, what good will it do me? Knowledge without love is a resounding gong. It is empty, it means nothing.
I don't know enough about thiestic evolution, I just know what it teaches. I like it, i think it is cool, but what is it to me? Why do I need to understand it? To me, it's like discussing how old the earth is. Is there any proof on how old the earth is? I mean, solid proof? I heard one theory once that was based more on logic than any evidence and that was that God created the earth with an age, like he created everything else; Man wasn't created a baby, he was created a full grown man. But... why does this matter? Really, please don't get me wrong, I love to understand things, if you knew my nature you'd know that when i see something happen, I immediately want to know why it happens. I pay attention to small details. But like i said, don't let the means to the end, suffocate the end.
And yeah, new research could be new revelation, but should it be added to the Bible? Scienctific revelation, that is, revelations about the world we live in, are in a totally seperate category from spiritual revelations, revelations about hell, God, Christ, The Holy Spirit, Satan, the angels. I believe God showed us all we need to know about His character and how we are to live our lives spiritually in the Bible. He designed us to be curious, so what a perfect fit science and new discoveries are for us. So yeah, I wasn't arguing that there are no new revelations, just that things like scientific revelations shouldn't be added to the Bible and other things like totally brand new spiritual revelations can't be added to the Bible, they can only point out and connect the dots that we can't see ourselves that lie in the Bible's pages. That's my stance on that...
Anyways, i hope i havn't confused anyone, I was just a little frustrated with myself. I think that one line sums up all of how I feel, and if you've lost sight of it, here it is again. 'Don't let the means to the end, suffocate the end.'"
God Bless!
YFTCF
Gregory P.S. Let me know what you think! And don't just agree with me, pray about it and come back and tell me how wrong I am or something."