Hey there folks,
So I meant to post this on V-day but never got the chance to. This is a little something I wrote about 5 years ago about my understanding of real Love. There is also a bit about why living in the past or the future is not beneficial.Hope you like.
TTYL
YFTCF
Greg
"I have come to really know how much dedication and trust love requires for it to be able to grow and survive. It’s not some fluffy feeling, not some dreamy, off in wonderland kind of thing. It’s a down to earth thing; not disconnected from feelings, but in harmony with feelings. Love is a peaceful, joyful, heart shared special gift, something that appears weak but is not at all. Where there is love hate cannot abide and where there is love, a heart cannot be unforgiving; when a heart is full of love, forgiveness flourishes like a spring blossom in a bed of black soil. When two love, there is a dedication there, something deep, something special, something, that when you look at them, you see the true love they have for each other. When at a wedding, you can sense God there, for when two love each other with no conditions you catch a glimpse of the Love of God displayed through Christ. Indeed, such love is a mirror image of the one who not only displays love, but the one who is Love. So when you meet the one who God created for you to find, and you whom He created for them to find, love them; first as a friend, for without friendship you would not have a lasting relationship, and then as more. Love them as yourself. When need be, let them go only for God, but never let them go for a job, a hobby, or another relationship that will not last. They are meant to come before those things, but never before God. Follow His will and His light, and you will be full of His Love and His peace. Seek His face and you will know what it is to love and be loved. Only when you understand this can you come to love someone as I described it above, because to know Him is to know love…
Regret nothing you have or haven’t done; what is in the past is in the past and living there will only drag you back into what you were before. Do not be consumed by the future, for if your heart lives there then the present will slip beyond you and you will be forever stuck dreaming about what could be. Instead, live for the present, it is here, in the now, that past regrets fade away and through which dreams come to pass. Like I said before hand, if you live in the future you will be stuck forever dreaming about what could be, but when you live in the present you start to lay the foundation to the future that God has for you. However, do not try it on your own strength or by your own might, for I guarantee that you have not the ability, knowledge, wisdom or understanding on how to construct this tower. Only God has the details and the plans for that, just be willing to allow Him to guide your steps and also, walk through the doors He will open. Because only through Him and by Him do we have the strength to live the life He has set before us… "
2.24.2008
2.11.2008
Doubt and Faith: A journal entry about the story I have been working on.
Hey there,
So as all of you should know, I am in the process of writing a story. You've read a couple excerpts from it but I wanted to fill you in on a couple struggles of mine. You see, I've taken no literary classes, no technical writing courses, no English courses, nothing that really qualifies me to really be a 'writer'. This story is quickly becoming something that I know I am not educated enough for writing and I am seriously doubtful that I don't lack the imagination and knowledge to make it as good and as intricate as I want it to be; it's quickly becoming to seem impossible. However, I will keep writing because I have faith that where I lack, God can step in and fill those holes for me. After all, if I could finish it on my own, I would be able to keep all the credit as my own, but if I can't finish it on my own then I know i have to give some of that credit to God because it would simply be ludicrous for me to take it all. Indeed I would have no right to keep all the credit for it, so as crazy as it may sound, maybe this is a good place to be. I don't know, what are your thoughts?
YFTCF
Greg
So as all of you should know, I am in the process of writing a story. You've read a couple excerpts from it but I wanted to fill you in on a couple struggles of mine. You see, I've taken no literary classes, no technical writing courses, no English courses, nothing that really qualifies me to really be a 'writer'. This story is quickly becoming something that I know I am not educated enough for writing and I am seriously doubtful that I don't lack the imagination and knowledge to make it as good and as intricate as I want it to be; it's quickly becoming to seem impossible. However, I will keep writing because I have faith that where I lack, God can step in and fill those holes for me. After all, if I could finish it on my own, I would be able to keep all the credit as my own, but if I can't finish it on my own then I know i have to give some of that credit to God because it would simply be ludicrous for me to take it all. Indeed I would have no right to keep all the credit for it, so as crazy as it may sound, maybe this is a good place to be. I don't know, what are your thoughts?
YFTCF
Greg
2.06.2008
The Old 'Sea of Lonliness'
So I am going to share with you (I probably already have in the past) a story and poem that I wrote back in 2004, 4 years ago now (probably almost to this very day). I share this with you because the other day we were asked at church to go around our tables (yes we sit at tables at my church) and boast in something we either saw the Lord doing in ourselves or in other people and for me, this is a testimony worth sharing; it shows how far I have truly come.
I used to be someone who didn't know how to have true friendships. I'd always isolate myself and not really say much to people, let alone open up with them in the ways that I do now. It used to be something that always haunted me, until sometime last year. I can't pin it on an exact date because I just suddenly stopped even thinking that I used to be that way and it truly was a non-issue. I know I've come so far, in fact, I might be a little extreme these days when it comes to this kind of thing. Almost like I am trying to make up for so much lost time.
Anyways, I haven't paid much mind to this in such a long time, like I've just been going on with my life as if I never had a problem with isolating myself and pulling away from large groups of people.
Anyways here is the story and poem. I wrote them together so they're on document, not pome and story as separate entities:
I row through the silent waters, the only sound being that of the oars as they cut through the bitter cold surface below. This sound was once a sound filled with hope, hope that I was moving in the right direction, but through the silence it has become something quite different; it reverberates within my skull with the revelation that I am not rowing towards a peace filled land at all. I realize with all certainty that this sound, which reverberates within my head, which is created by my motion forward, is really only bringing me closer and closer to a still and silent oblivion; the very sea that was once my friend has now betrayed me. “Come Greg,” it said to me, “see how people reject you? See how they hurt you? See how they betray your trust? Silent loneliness will never betray you; will never hurt you! Come now! Isolate yourself! Isolation will never demand that you fit in, and in being alone, you will never be hurt again!” Unfortunately, I had not realized that in being isolated, in being alone, I would never be able to experience the joys that deep friends go through. So without understanding, I stepped into a boat of Silence and Isolation and ventured out onto the vast sea of loneliness. It is this vast sea that has betrayed me! Yes, a deep fog has overcome me and I am now unable to distinguish how to get back; back into the world of deep meaningful friendships. It is almost impossible for me to remember what it looks like, and therefore I am even more lost and isolated than I ever was before. The mist of confusion and the stillness surround me like an iron curtain and the boat, in which once was my abode, has become to me a one-man prison. There is one, though, who can lift the iron curtain and remove me from my silent penitentiary. One whose word is always true and who sincerely wants to be my friend. This friend is found in Jesus Christ my Lord and there is this one and only query left to answer; will I choose to follow Him and the path of healing that He sets before me, or will I continue to row? Both paths ensue me with fear; for the former, I am afraid of being let down, rejected and hurt again, and the latter? Because I know that if I continue down it, if I continue to drift on this Sea of Loneliness, I will be forever condemned to an empty silence and will one day slip into dark oblivion…
I sit quietly for a moment but then continue to forge ahead
Ceaselessly moving onward over a calm and silent sea.
Alone in this boat, my wounded heart and seclusion are eternally wed
Ceaselessly floating onward over a calm and lonely sea.
I remember the promise I was given if I would just sit here and row
Endlessly staring at the chance that hangs above my boats edge
Recalling the assurance I was handed if I would just sit here and row
Endlessly screaming as my hope does fade on this broken pledge.
I ponder my hearts paradigm of a still, quiet, and forlorn detachment
Ceaselessly praying for the strength to stand and put down my oars.
Alone no more, I realize that my time in prayer was not utterly spent,
And that I can now come to rest on those distant, far-off, shores.
I used to be someone who didn't know how to have true friendships. I'd always isolate myself and not really say much to people, let alone open up with them in the ways that I do now. It used to be something that always haunted me, until sometime last year. I can't pin it on an exact date because I just suddenly stopped even thinking that I used to be that way and it truly was a non-issue. I know I've come so far, in fact, I might be a little extreme these days when it comes to this kind of thing. Almost like I am trying to make up for so much lost time.
Anyways, I haven't paid much mind to this in such a long time, like I've just been going on with my life as if I never had a problem with isolating myself and pulling away from large groups of people.
Anyways here is the story and poem. I wrote them together so they're on document, not pome and story as separate entities:
I row through the silent waters, the only sound being that of the oars as they cut through the bitter cold surface below. This sound was once a sound filled with hope, hope that I was moving in the right direction, but through the silence it has become something quite different; it reverberates within my skull with the revelation that I am not rowing towards a peace filled land at all. I realize with all certainty that this sound, which reverberates within my head, which is created by my motion forward, is really only bringing me closer and closer to a still and silent oblivion; the very sea that was once my friend has now betrayed me. “Come Greg,” it said to me, “see how people reject you? See how they hurt you? See how they betray your trust? Silent loneliness will never betray you; will never hurt you! Come now! Isolate yourself! Isolation will never demand that you fit in, and in being alone, you will never be hurt again!” Unfortunately, I had not realized that in being isolated, in being alone, I would never be able to experience the joys that deep friends go through. So without understanding, I stepped into a boat of Silence and Isolation and ventured out onto the vast sea of loneliness. It is this vast sea that has betrayed me! Yes, a deep fog has overcome me and I am now unable to distinguish how to get back; back into the world of deep meaningful friendships. It is almost impossible for me to remember what it looks like, and therefore I am even more lost and isolated than I ever was before. The mist of confusion and the stillness surround me like an iron curtain and the boat, in which once was my abode, has become to me a one-man prison. There is one, though, who can lift the iron curtain and remove me from my silent penitentiary. One whose word is always true and who sincerely wants to be my friend. This friend is found in Jesus Christ my Lord and there is this one and only query left to answer; will I choose to follow Him and the path of healing that He sets before me, or will I continue to row? Both paths ensue me with fear; for the former, I am afraid of being let down, rejected and hurt again, and the latter? Because I know that if I continue down it, if I continue to drift on this Sea of Loneliness, I will be forever condemned to an empty silence and will one day slip into dark oblivion…
I sit quietly for a moment but then continue to forge ahead
Ceaselessly moving onward over a calm and silent sea.
Alone in this boat, my wounded heart and seclusion are eternally wed
Ceaselessly floating onward over a calm and lonely sea.
I remember the promise I was given if I would just sit here and row
Endlessly staring at the chance that hangs above my boats edge
Recalling the assurance I was handed if I would just sit here and row
Endlessly screaming as my hope does fade on this broken pledge.
I ponder my hearts paradigm of a still, quiet, and forlorn detachment
Ceaselessly praying for the strength to stand and put down my oars.
Alone no more, I realize that my time in prayer was not utterly spent,
And that I can now come to rest on those distant, far-off, shores.
All I want
Hey there
All I want is to get a good job doing what I love to do. That is all that I ask for from God; nothing more. And yet, it seems to be the very thing that doesn't happen. It's really hard for me not to become frustrated with Him again, I keep doing the crappy stuff trying to find my way into the film, television and audio worlds and nothing ever opens up for me. I was able to do one project last fall but I couldn't put the bid I needed to put in in order for me to seriously cover my personal expenses, like my loan, for a while. I'm going to probably make less than 1500 for work that I should have billed an additional 5-7000 for. I cut people breaks, do a project here and there for free (or near to it) and no breaks are every made for me. Sorry, it sounds like I am complaining... I'm just asking God to help me understand so that I at least have something to look towards when i have to do the jobs that seriously depress me. So that I can know that I'm not just living my life as a robot to free myself from a flipping loan.
Sorry, i needed to vent... I am very frustrated, bitter and grumpy today. I didn't get much sleep last night and yeah... A couple things that I was really hoping for basically closed on me today. There is still some minor hope that the doors could still be open but from where I am, they look like they're closed.
Anyways, I'll leave you to peace
Gregory
All I want is to get a good job doing what I love to do. That is all that I ask for from God; nothing more. And yet, it seems to be the very thing that doesn't happen. It's really hard for me not to become frustrated with Him again, I keep doing the crappy stuff trying to find my way into the film, television and audio worlds and nothing ever opens up for me. I was able to do one project last fall but I couldn't put the bid I needed to put in in order for me to seriously cover my personal expenses, like my loan, for a while. I'm going to probably make less than 1500 for work that I should have billed an additional 5-7000 for. I cut people breaks, do a project here and there for free (or near to it) and no breaks are every made for me. Sorry, it sounds like I am complaining... I'm just asking God to help me understand so that I at least have something to look towards when i have to do the jobs that seriously depress me. So that I can know that I'm not just living my life as a robot to free myself from a flipping loan.
Sorry, i needed to vent... I am very frustrated, bitter and grumpy today. I didn't get much sleep last night and yeah... A couple things that I was really hoping for basically closed on me today. There is still some minor hope that the doors could still be open but from where I am, they look like they're closed.
Anyways, I'll leave you to peace
Gregory
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
