Joy

So I wrote a little while ago about the struggles that I have been going through lately. I just wanted to share a little bit more revelation on some of the things He's been showing me. Firstly, I had an amazing birthday, I was given a surprise last wednsday, my parents did something for me on saturday (which i enjoyed for once, but I truly was exhausted) and then i made a meal for a couple of my friends here in my town on sunday.
It was perhaps the fist birthday in a very long time that I was at least somewhat joyful. And t wasn't just because people did stuff for me. What made it joyful is the fact that I let myself open up; I truly want to continue to live my life by the wisdom "It is not the nature of love to force a relationship, it is the nature of love to open the way."
That little piece of wisdom still gets me so excited inside! I'm like a bubble machine that bubbles over with joy when God reminds me what true love really is and i get all excited about the chance to put it into practice.
Anyways, that's the one cool thing that happened these past few weeks. The other thing is that I have come to understand what it means to really have joy. I shared the picture with you guy on my last blog, so you know what it was and how i was thinking that after I got through this stressful time, how he'd give me a full measure of joy at the end of the process. Well I was talking to a friend of mine on the phone and he had some incredible wisdom to share. You see, God doesn't just pour joy out on us after we go through something, the reality of the matter is that He pours joy out on us in great amounts AS we're going through something. I realized just how right he is, and so many scriptures back that philosophy up. I've also been noticing it in my life! Three thursday's ago I had an experience that made all of this so real. Maybe I already shared it but it was such a powerful experience, it deserves to be shared again. I was lying on my bed one night after a particular hard and hopeless day. I was just so frustrated and angry, and everything felt so cold again, just like Toronto did, but as i lay on my bed and prayed about it, the lord sent me to a couple verses. Basically he was pointing out that I hadn't been true to my word (s i confessed that) and then he told me I was going to be given joy... After i read those verses and as I lay there in bed, I was still so angry and bitter and frustrated as I was before, but there was something on top of it; God's love was so powerful that even though my heart was cold, I could feel this incredible warmth on top of it all. It was totally unreal! Not only was His love there, but I realize that His joy was as well. That experience just made all of this stuff 100% real to me, and, after speaking to my friend, I have begun to understand what it means to have joy when the situation around you doesn't afford any. Now joy just doesn't come in the midst of pain or confusion, but i think that it is during those times that His joy can truly shine forth and make people wonder why we're still able to move on.
Anyways, let me know what you think!
I gotta go to bed now...
TTYL!
YFTCF
Gregory