Hey there,
I'm not sure when I wrote this story but I thought I would post it. It's a little lighter than all the other stuff I've been posting. Let me know waht you think!
Greg
The Black Wall
Shadows move in the darkness, wraiths that lust after my destruction. Indeed, they are the very essence of the gloom that so surrounds me, my light unable to penetrate the inky silence that has hemmed me in. I was given a charge, I am a chosen one. I stood there facing the wall, and like many others, wondered if I could really take this mission. I remember hearing His command, those words that still drive me on in relentless ambition, "I need you, you must go in. There are others who need to hear the truth, others who need to see daylight, they need our help. I'm not asking you to go alone, but I caution you, sometimes you will feel alone..." I feel alone now. I've been surrounded by this darkness for so long that even though I bear this light, I almost forget what it looks like myself. I'm shaken, I did not understand that I would face such an intense hate and bloodlust for my life; the wraiths want nothing more than to see me fall, to see my life extinguished and to see the ones I am here to rescue scorn the light I was commanded to bring them. Exhaustion overcame me and I stopped to take a rest. Sitting down, I remember what it was like to be consumed by the darkness, to be one of those who were lost in it's midst. It's not how it seems, I remember the deceptions the wraiths went to great lengths to maintain. I thought I was knowledgeable, I thought i could see. My life -although riddled with disappointments- had the appearance of being normal. It wasn't until I was rescued that I truly saw the darkness in which I lived; the scandalous duplicity that I lived to serve. Yet, my mind is drawn to the simplicity of those times. I had need to worry only about myself, it was up to me to decide how i wanted to live, what i wanted to do and all for the benefit of myself. Now I live to benefit others, to put others before myself. It is a massive undertaking and not one that can be done on my own strength. I accepted this mission with enthusiasm but now my thoughts are drifting. I didn't want to do this anymore, if people didn't want to see the light in the first place, why send us into this darkness? Why should I not be my only concern? What do I have to offer others? Why am I... I was startled in mid thought. I had heard something, a voice, and looking up I was alarmed; my light was very dim and the darkness was so close. Confused, I wondered how I had become so careless and like an early morning, realization dawned and I saw that I had let bitterness and selfish ambition take a hold of my heart. Bending my knee, I stopped to ask for forgiveness and He came to restore my strength... I was indeed not alone.
12.22.2007
12.16.2007
The Wisdom of God...?
So the other day I promised you to continue some more on the discussion about the sum of what I have learned. You see, something bothered me. I know on the one issue I am dead accurate, that our obedience to the law of God flows not from our own effort, but as we grow in relationship with Chirst, it some that is just natural; we obey by default because His Character is now our own. But when I concluded that this made knowing what is considered as being wrong by God's standards wasn't even necessary, I didn't quite like the thought because it seemed under developed. It was a natural conclusion i made myself and not something I really felt the Lord was telling me, so I was naturally hesitant. So in that, I began to search for the truth and in that search i came across one question that needs to be answered before anything else. That question is this: What is God's Wisdom? The Bible says that we should seek and press in for the Wisdom of God. What is His Wisdom? Is His Wisdom in knowing the difference between right and wrong? Or is that the wisdom we as man attribute to his character because we are limited in how we percieve Him? The answer to this question could very well lie in the answer of another, being, How does God view good and evil? What is His perception on the matter? Again, we can be certain that it is quite different than the perception we attribute to Him having and the answer may be simpler than we think. Reason with me. If God is Love, then we can also say that He is Good. When we are in relationship with Him, we exist inside that Goodness at all times. The Bible also says that He is the sustenance of our lives and the lives of all creation; without His hand and His Goodness in the world at all times, every creature would quickly enter a great spiral downward into oblivion. If He is the sustenance of our lives, and God is completely Good and Loving, His Goodness is what sustains us. Now to steal an idea from an e-mail I got a long time ago about a professor who was rebuked by a student when he suggested that God created death. You see, darkness is simply the absence of light, darkness doesn't exist, what exists is simply an absence of light which is interpreted by us as 'darkness'. In just the same way, death does not exist as it's own entity, death is simply the absence of life. So what then is evil? Evil, in all purposes of the term, does not exist. There is only Goodness and the absence of goodness, which is interpreted as 'evil'. So, as the Bible says, God is good, and in Him there can no evil be found; He is the definition of the term 'Goodness'. So what then is goodness? How do we define the term without running into our intrinsic limitations we have as humans? That is a tough question and I will leave it alone. What I wiil say is that the key lies in what I said earlier, God is the definition of Goodness; He is Goodness. When we are in Him we know goodness, and when we sperate ourselves from Him, we remove ourselvs from His goodness, and where goodness is lacking, evil is present. Some would say that evil does exist because satan is Evil. But if you remember, all creation finds Goodness in God, that includes angels, because they were also created like us. Satan removed himself from God's goodness and is in a complete and constat state of lacking goodness. This is where things now get hazy and I will end shortly. COuld God's wisdom be this? That He knows not the difference between good and evil, that is, being seperate entities, but He knows the difference of living in His goodness and trying to live apart from His Goodness. Essentially, God's wisdom is not a list of right and wrong things, not a list of "Thou shalt not" or "Thou shalt" but His wisdom is simply in understanding the difference between living in Goodness or living apart from Goodness; living in relationship with Him or living in independence from Him. How this fits in with understanding what is right and wrong is as of yet, a little unclear to me, but I'm still praying about it.
God Bless
Greg
God Bless
Greg
A question that challenges
Before I go into this, to lessen the impact a bit let me ask this one question first "Why would Christ not want it for us?" The context of this question will become all too clear as you continue to read.
I have some more stuff to say concerning the post "The Sum of What I have learned" but I'll write that tomorrow. The following is something I've felt for a long time but it was kept on the backburner until the revelation that for mature Christians, obedience becomes a part of our nature and not something we attain to accomplish, came about. You must prepare yourselves, because the idea that I am about to present is considered (that i know of) as heresy by practically every denomination of christiandom today and I am scared to death in presenting it to the world. You see, the natural, -and albeit revolutionary, unorthodox and unconventional- conclusion the previous revelation brings me to is that Christians will not go on sinning until the day we die. Please, don't throw the stones yet, just hear me out.
You see, I believe if we continue to press into Him, we won't go on sinning until the day we meet Him. I can't remember his full name (stephen...?), but he was one of the first guys to ever question the Catholic church; He walked up to his church's door one day with a hammer and a whole list of qestions that totally went against common belief and nailed the list to the door. For me, I ask the question "Why? Why do we have to go on sinning until the day we meet God?" And not one person has ever been able to give me a credible answer. I'm not saying that by myself I will be able to stop sinning, I can't do this on my own stregnth at all! In fact, if I did say that I could attain this on my own, I would indeed be falling into the realm of heresy. All I'm saying is that with Christ in me, He can bring it about so that I couldn't boast. How could I boast if it's a work He does in me? If I pay you to do a drawing for me, the drawing becomes mine but I cannot boast over it because I did not draw it, it's the same in this case; I am not the one doing the working, Christ is, so I cannot boast or lord it over people. And why couldn't he? A better question is, why wouldn't He? If I really wanted Him to help me stop, Why would He deny me? I am reminded of the verse "And what father, when a child asks for something good, would turn that child down? So it is with the Father in Heaven, when you ask of Him, He will not turn you down." I can't remember where that is and I know Christ was saying it in regards to the Holy Spirit, but the concept here is the same. Why would God turn us down if we asked Him to help us stop sinning? WHY do we HAVE to go on sinning until the day we meet Him in heaven??????????? Right now, these are just questions that I am asking, but be warned, I've looked at every angle and I can't see any way of answering my first question at the top of the page in regards to this matter that doesn't go against even one single thing the Bible tells me of Christs character and until someone can, I will hold onto this belief. Like I said, not so that I can boast and say that I am perfect, because as my own entity I am not perfect! The only way I am made Holy, Blameless and perfect is through Christ and Christ alone; without His working in my life I can attain nothing. Indeed, I attain nothing anyways! Christ attains it for me.
That's my stance and unless you can come to me and explain why God, who hates all sin, wouldn't want to help us to put sin behind us forever IN THIS LIFE, then don't bother trying to convince me. No amount of Bible verses can convince me, I've heard them all on the subject and quite frankly, none are very clear on the matter at all! In my opinion, they've just been interpreted very poorly.
When I hear and see people living out this lie, that we will go on sinning until we meet Christ in Heaven, I see and hear people who (mostly unknowingly for all three) long for and desire to live in a constant state of mediocrity, people that don't want all that God has to offer them and don't truly want to let go of their sinfulness, and a people who don't believe that Christ came to abolish sinfulness in sinful man and make us full saints. That's my argument and I am sticking to it.
God Bless!
YFTCF
Gregory
I have some more stuff to say concerning the post "The Sum of What I have learned" but I'll write that tomorrow. The following is something I've felt for a long time but it was kept on the backburner until the revelation that for mature Christians, obedience becomes a part of our nature and not something we attain to accomplish, came about. You must prepare yourselves, because the idea that I am about to present is considered (that i know of) as heresy by practically every denomination of christiandom today and I am scared to death in presenting it to the world. You see, the natural, -and albeit revolutionary, unorthodox and unconventional- conclusion the previous revelation brings me to is that Christians will not go on sinning until the day we die. Please, don't throw the stones yet, just hear me out.
You see, I believe if we continue to press into Him, we won't go on sinning until the day we meet Him. I can't remember his full name (stephen...?), but he was one of the first guys to ever question the Catholic church; He walked up to his church's door one day with a hammer and a whole list of qestions that totally went against common belief and nailed the list to the door. For me, I ask the question "Why? Why do we have to go on sinning until the day we meet God?" And not one person has ever been able to give me a credible answer. I'm not saying that by myself I will be able to stop sinning, I can't do this on my own stregnth at all! In fact, if I did say that I could attain this on my own, I would indeed be falling into the realm of heresy. All I'm saying is that with Christ in me, He can bring it about so that I couldn't boast. How could I boast if it's a work He does in me? If I pay you to do a drawing for me, the drawing becomes mine but I cannot boast over it because I did not draw it, it's the same in this case; I am not the one doing the working, Christ is, so I cannot boast or lord it over people. And why couldn't he? A better question is, why wouldn't He? If I really wanted Him to help me stop, Why would He deny me? I am reminded of the verse "And what father, when a child asks for something good, would turn that child down? So it is with the Father in Heaven, when you ask of Him, He will not turn you down." I can't remember where that is and I know Christ was saying it in regards to the Holy Spirit, but the concept here is the same. Why would God turn us down if we asked Him to help us stop sinning? WHY do we HAVE to go on sinning until the day we meet Him in heaven??????????? Right now, these are just questions that I am asking, but be warned, I've looked at every angle and I can't see any way of answering my first question at the top of the page in regards to this matter that doesn't go against even one single thing the Bible tells me of Christs character and until someone can, I will hold onto this belief. Like I said, not so that I can boast and say that I am perfect, because as my own entity I am not perfect! The only way I am made Holy, Blameless and perfect is through Christ and Christ alone; without His working in my life I can attain nothing. Indeed, I attain nothing anyways! Christ attains it for me.
That's my stance and unless you can come to me and explain why God, who hates all sin, wouldn't want to help us to put sin behind us forever IN THIS LIFE, then don't bother trying to convince me. No amount of Bible verses can convince me, I've heard them all on the subject and quite frankly, none are very clear on the matter at all! In my opinion, they've just been interpreted very poorly.
When I hear and see people living out this lie, that we will go on sinning until we meet Christ in Heaven, I see and hear people who (mostly unknowingly for all three) long for and desire to live in a constant state of mediocrity, people that don't want all that God has to offer them and don't truly want to let go of their sinfulness, and a people who don't believe that Christ came to abolish sinfulness in sinful man and make us full saints. That's my argument and I am sticking to it.
God Bless!
YFTCF
Gregory
11.08.2007
Excerpt from my story
This is an excerpt from the story I am writing. This characters role is like that of Jezebel or Herodias, kniving and manipulative. Hope you enjoy :)
God Bless
Greg
P.S. Vivian helped me a bit on this section, so you can give her some credit too.
"The horse was black in colour, even it's eyes were dark and empty. It was fitted with a golden bit and harness. All the fastenings and hoops were golden and the reins were laced with tiny silver threads that seemed to shimmer in the light of the lanterns. The horn on the saddle was a massive diamond and precious stones of all types ran along the edges. The saddle itself was laced with tiny platinum threads and it too seemed to glimmer in the light, but it was a much more mystifying and dark shimmer, as if the saddle had something to hide. The horses hooves were shoed with silver and gold intertwined with each other and they seemed to be the only feature that you could see clearly in the darkness. Maeve herself wore storm-blue culottes which loosely hugged her hips and thighs. They had dark green threads woven through them and ran right to her ankles. Gradually becoming transparent as they went down her leg, the culottes started to appear translucent at about the mid-thigh and were almost completely see-through as they reached her ankles. The fabric, even at her ankles, was much stronger and much more durable than cotton and yet, softer than silk. She wore a long sleeved cardigan that was knotted just below her breasts, revealing a very smooth, bare midriff. Flaunting a rather stunning bust, the cardigan was also storm-blue in colour, with dark green threads running through the fabric. Encircling her waist was an elaborate platinum-gold cincture of dragons joined at the front by a small silver buckle of the serpent-torch symbol. Most of her long blonde hair was put up in a bun while the rest hung down to her shoulder blades in an elegant fashion. The bun was held in place by a platinum clasp that bore the same serpent-torch symbol as her cincture. Her brow was gently dusted with a fine golden powder that accented the glimmer in her emerald green eyes. Dark honey-toned skin gave her an exotic quality that allured all who beheld her. Her narrow face was accented with finely shaped cheek bones and a perfectly regal chin. Only the slightest bit of scarlet decorated her lips while the blush of her cheeks delicately heightened her natural beauty. Her quaint ears were adorned with half-moon platinum earrings that danced and twirled with her every movement. She sat very tall on her horse despite standing just over 5 feet tall, and was of a slender build. A silver necklace with the half-moon pendant hung around her neck, dancing softly amidst her slightly exposed chest. On her right hand, her middle and ring fingers were adorned with elegant white-gold rings: one bore the symbol of a dragon clutching a dark red ruby in it's talons, while the other had the serpent swallowing the torch from the bottom, it's eyes fixed with tiny amber stones. Her beauty caused all who saw her as they entered the gates to stop what they were doing and stare."
God Bless
Greg
P.S. Vivian helped me a bit on this section, so you can give her some credit too.
"The horse was black in colour, even it's eyes were dark and empty. It was fitted with a golden bit and harness. All the fastenings and hoops were golden and the reins were laced with tiny silver threads that seemed to shimmer in the light of the lanterns. The horn on the saddle was a massive diamond and precious stones of all types ran along the edges. The saddle itself was laced with tiny platinum threads and it too seemed to glimmer in the light, but it was a much more mystifying and dark shimmer, as if the saddle had something to hide. The horses hooves were shoed with silver and gold intertwined with each other and they seemed to be the only feature that you could see clearly in the darkness. Maeve herself wore storm-blue culottes which loosely hugged her hips and thighs. They had dark green threads woven through them and ran right to her ankles. Gradually becoming transparent as they went down her leg, the culottes started to appear translucent at about the mid-thigh and were almost completely see-through as they reached her ankles. The fabric, even at her ankles, was much stronger and much more durable than cotton and yet, softer than silk. She wore a long sleeved cardigan that was knotted just below her breasts, revealing a very smooth, bare midriff. Flaunting a rather stunning bust, the cardigan was also storm-blue in colour, with dark green threads running through the fabric. Encircling her waist was an elaborate platinum-gold cincture of dragons joined at the front by a small silver buckle of the serpent-torch symbol. Most of her long blonde hair was put up in a bun while the rest hung down to her shoulder blades in an elegant fashion. The bun was held in place by a platinum clasp that bore the same serpent-torch symbol as her cincture. Her brow was gently dusted with a fine golden powder that accented the glimmer in her emerald green eyes. Dark honey-toned skin gave her an exotic quality that allured all who beheld her. Her narrow face was accented with finely shaped cheek bones and a perfectly regal chin. Only the slightest bit of scarlet decorated her lips while the blush of her cheeks delicately heightened her natural beauty. Her quaint ears were adorned with half-moon platinum earrings that danced and twirled with her every movement. She sat very tall on her horse despite standing just over 5 feet tall, and was of a slender build. A silver necklace with the half-moon pendant hung around her neck, dancing softly amidst her slightly exposed chest. On her right hand, her middle and ring fingers were adorned with elegant white-gold rings: one bore the symbol of a dragon clutching a dark red ruby in it's talons, while the other had the serpent swallowing the torch from the bottom, it's eyes fixed with tiny amber stones. Her beauty caused all who saw her as they entered the gates to stop what they were doing and stare."
10.22.2007
The sum of what I have learned
Hey there,
So, if you've been reading my blogs lately, you'd know that I've been writing about something I have been learning lately. You'd also know that it is a little confusing and unclear as I was still trying to understand what I was indeed learning. I believe the Lord has given me that understanding to put it all together and make sense of what I had come to realize.
So, the path to understanding started by asking myself "Why? Why do we as humans always want to understand things? Why do we always want to understand what to do, what not to do, what God allows, and what God doesn't allow? Why do we always want to understand 'how' to live out a life that is 'for' God? Why do we want to understand what His standards are?" The reason I had begun asking these questions was because something deep inside of me was tired of simply understanding what I should and shouldn't do. That kind of understanding has proven to be useless to me for becoming the man I truly want to be. This you know from my posts, I was tired of simply understanding things, I wanted my faith go so far beyond simply understanding and simply being obedient to the standards that I have come to understood are set by God. In answering this question "Why do we always want to understand things?" the Lord revealed something that I had completely missed.
You see, all throughout the New Testament, the Lord tells us that the Law He gave to the Israelites was meant to prove a point to us, that we couldn't fulfill the law, that no matter how 'perfect' we were, we'd never be perfect enough because we'd always be lacking in one small area somewhere. I take my example from those very complex verses found in Romans 1:18 through to 8:17. For simplicity sake, I will only quote those verses that speak the most about what I am going to say, as I can't really quote 5 whole chapters. Case in point, Romans 3:19-20 "Now we know that whatever the law says, it says to those who are under the law, so that every mouth may be silenced and the whole world held accountable to God. Therefore no one will be declared righteous in his sight by observing the law; rather, through the law we become conscious of sin." Through the commandment we only become conscious of our sin, in itself it holds no power for us to conquer sin. Romans 7:18 "...For I have the desire to do what is good, but not the power." I then began to ask another question "Where does sin come from then if God only introduced the Law to make me aware of my sinfulness?" And the answer to this took me back further, right to the beginning, to the very cause of our disobedience to Him. God created Adam and Eve and placed them in the Garden. He also created every living tree and animal and placed them in the garden as well. Two of those trees were in the centre. One was called "The Tree of Life" and the other "The Tree of the knowledge of Good and Evil" God told Adam that he was not to eat from the Tree of the Knowledge of Good and Evil but mentioned nothing about the Tree of Life. Genesis 2:16-17 "And the LORD God commanded the man, "You are free to eat from any tree in the garden; but you must not eat from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, for when you eat of it you will surely die." In this statement, I have always asked God why he only commnded them not to eat from the one tree but not the Tree of Life and the answer that came to me was this. Before Adam and Eve ate from the tree, I believe they spent many hours and days walking through the gardens talking with God and communicating with Him. They spent time in communion with God, in HIs presence BEFORE they understood His nature and His holiness. However, God knew that if they ate from the tree of the good and evil, they would come to understand who He was and what His holiness required of them for them to stand in His presence. Genesis 3:6 " When the woman saw that the fruit was pleasing to the eye and also desireable for gaining wisdom, she took some and ate it." What wisdom could that be other than the 'wisdom' of the standards that God has for us to be in His presence? It was not necessary for Adam and Eve to understand these things, for in understanding, our natural tendancy is to then try and fulfill those standards ourselves. I might add here that it is only God who can live up to His 'standards'. Indeed, it is not something He meets by trying Himself, it is simply in His nature. "God does not conform Himself to those standards, He is the standard." That is a quote from A.W.Tozer I think, I cannot remember what it is called. Why could adam and Eve be in His presence before they ate the fruit? well, I can only guess it is because they met those standards not because they tried, but because it was simply in their nature as well. This will be more clear as I go on, bbut they met those standards by default, because they were spending time with God and had His life in their hearts. From Adam to Moses, man was not aware of their sinfulness. Indeed, they may have known deep in their heart what God's standards were, but they did not know how they broke those standards, so He sent Moses and the Law to show us how utterly sinful we are, to show us where and how we break those standards. Romans 5:12-14 "Therefore, just as sin entered the world through one man, and death through sin, and in this way death came to all men, because all sinned— for before the law was given, sin was in the world. But sin is not taken into account when there is no law. Nevertheless, death reigned from the time of Adam to the time of Moses, even over those who did not sin by breaking a command, as did Adam, who was a pattern of the one to come."
Just to clear something up, let me ask a few more questions. Why, if there was no written 'law', was Adam's sin and the sin of all those to follow him, counted against them? If the verse above is correct, "But sin is not taken into account when there is no law." why were the patriarchs and the people before Moses judged as being sinful in the eyes of God? You can look it up yourself, but there is a verse where Paul discusses the gentiles and how some of them are more righteous than the Jews because they obey the Law without knowing what the written law is, simply because 'it is written on their hearts.' So, I think the case is the same with the rest of mankind, even though we might not have the written law like the Jews, we do know in our hearts what is right and what is wrong.
So all this being said, you might be wondering how then we can be obedient to these standards, if the Law that was meant to show us clearly what they were and how we broke them, didn't bring the power necessary to be obedient. Well, therein lies why Christ came for us and how the rest of Romans falls into place and begins to make sense.
As I said, I cannot quote all of Romans, you will have to read it yourself and pick out most of things I refer to. For the sake of arguing why Christ is the key to all this, take a look at Romans 5:6 "...when we were still powerless, Christ died for the ungodly." You see, what I have come to know and understand includes so much more than just the Ten Commandments and the O.T. law. Even today, I see Christians entering into a religion where they say they are free from the Law but decieve themselves into simply changing the context of those commandments into a N.T. light. Things like "What would Jesus do" still imply me trying to fit myself and do for myself what I think Christ would have done in the same situation. It's still a standard we live by. We say to ourselves "To be a christian means we have to do this and this and this and this." We have masked them and instead of calling them 'commandments' we call them 'ideals and morals'. Christ came to set us free from having to perform, from having to meet a set of standards. Romans 3:27 "...For we maintain that a man is justified by faith apart from observing the law." If I begin to sound like Paul, it is because I finally understand what he meant. So we are justified by faith apart from observing the law, there is nothing we can do oursleves that can justify us more. To me, that has come to mean that I no longer have to try and comform myself to "WWJD?" I am not justified by trying to do that. I am set free from having to conform myself to any set of standards and I am justified by faith. You might ask then, as Paul brings up a couple times elsewhere "Well does that mean then that I can ignore the law and do what I please? Does that mean the Christ came to abolish the law?" By no means whatsoever! This may sound contradictng, but we still have to meet those standards; God is still God, He did not change Himself so that He can accept sin in His presence. And Christ most certainly did not come to abolish the law, he rather came to uphold the law. Take a look at Romans 3:31 "Do we then nullify the law by this faith? Not at all! Rather, we uphold the Law." And in Romans 2:13 it says "For it is not those who hear the law who are righteous in God's sight, but it is those who obey the Law who will be declared righteous." Now, this is where I began to ask myself, and I ams ure you have too, that if I am justified by faith apart from observing the law, why is it that Paul says it is only those who obey the law that will be declared righteous? Why does he say that by being justified by faith, we uphold the Law? How can the two exist together? It seems impossible doesn't it? But that's because i was thinking of this purely in human terms. The key's to this mainly lie in Romans 6-8. I already quoted text from Romans 7, that very confusing capter that can e summed up to this. "I have the will, the desire to do what is right because the Law made me aware of my sinfulness, but the power to do what is right is not there. The power to do what is right does not reside in the Law because the sinful nature caused the law to rise up in us all kinds of sinful passions." Of course, that is paraphrased. Now the answer of this for me was to remeber the role of Christ. This is where all of this, everything that I have said, all comes together and makes me boil over with excitement. You see, in what the law was powerless to do, Christ came in power and set us free. It is through His power that we can meet the standards of God. Hear me out, I know you've heard all this before and are probably thinking "so what?". It took a radical and dramatic shift into how I see all this playing out to make me realize what that power actually is. You see, it is recorded all over the N.T. especially Romans, that Christ came to give us a new nature, that we live by the Spirit and not the sinful nature etc. What is that new nature? Was it not God's desire to have us restored as we were before the fall of Adam? Why are we Justified by faith and not by works? This nature that is described in the N.T. is the nature that Adam and Eve had before the fall, it is God's desires, God's heart implanted in our own heart. Why does this matter, how do we fulfill His standards? It becomes not something we do on our own strength, indeed, Adam and Eve did not even know they were fulfilling His standards the whole time they were walking with Him. You see, as we spend time with Christ, we should, through His power, be conformed to those standards WITHOUT US EVEN KNOWING IT. Instead of something we TRY to do, it becomes something we do by DEFAULT. Because we're in His PRESENCE. When I understood that, I began to understand why it is not necessary to know right from wrong but because of Adam, we now know the difference. You see, by having faith in Christ we are justified. We uphold the law and agree that it is good not because we try, but because it becomes something we do by nature. It doesn't nullify the Law or God's standards in any way shape or form. THAT is true faith, that is why I want to never stop pushing into Christ and getting to know Him. You see, when we push into Him, our desires change. We stop wanting to do those things of the sinful nature because we know more and more what those do to us and how much it hurts God to see us in them.
Some would ask, "Then does this not take away from our freedom of choice? If we obey God's commandments by default, by nature, then why does that not eliminate our free will?" It doesn't. I will use the pizza example again. I used to love Pizza, I ate it a lot when i was growing up. However, I developed an intolerance to lactose 2 years ago and now, whenever i eat pizza, i get incredibly sick. As a result, I choose not to eat pizza because I simply have no desire to. My choice to eat or not eat is there but I choose not to because I know it will make me sick and I have no desire. In fact, I don't even consider eating cheese topped pizza an option anymore, simply because I want nothing to do with it. That is the same with this, we can still choose to be disobedient, but as we press into Christ, that urge and desire becomes less and less and we begin to consider, like me with the pizza, that sin just isn't even an option anymore. So we obey by nature, by default not because we desire to meet a standard but because God has so impacted our hearts that we don't even consider that separating ourselvs from Him is a viable option anymore. Not anything we do, but what God has done in us. I hope that is much clearer than all my other posts. I must get to bed soon.
Just do this for me, pray and ask the Lord to show you what is truth and what is not. And then, take what I have said here, about how we're justified by faith and yet still uphold the law and read Romans 1 through to 8:17 and maybe you will come to understand as I have.
God Bless
Gregory
So, if you've been reading my blogs lately, you'd know that I've been writing about something I have been learning lately. You'd also know that it is a little confusing and unclear as I was still trying to understand what I was indeed learning. I believe the Lord has given me that understanding to put it all together and make sense of what I had come to realize.
So, the path to understanding started by asking myself "Why? Why do we as humans always want to understand things? Why do we always want to understand what to do, what not to do, what God allows, and what God doesn't allow? Why do we always want to understand 'how' to live out a life that is 'for' God? Why do we want to understand what His standards are?" The reason I had begun asking these questions was because something deep inside of me was tired of simply understanding what I should and shouldn't do. That kind of understanding has proven to be useless to me for becoming the man I truly want to be. This you know from my posts, I was tired of simply understanding things, I wanted my faith go so far beyond simply understanding and simply being obedient to the standards that I have come to understood are set by God. In answering this question "Why do we always want to understand things?" the Lord revealed something that I had completely missed.
You see, all throughout the New Testament, the Lord tells us that the Law He gave to the Israelites was meant to prove a point to us, that we couldn't fulfill the law, that no matter how 'perfect' we were, we'd never be perfect enough because we'd always be lacking in one small area somewhere. I take my example from those very complex verses found in Romans 1:18 through to 8:17. For simplicity sake, I will only quote those verses that speak the most about what I am going to say, as I can't really quote 5 whole chapters. Case in point, Romans 3:19-20 "Now we know that whatever the law says, it says to those who are under the law, so that every mouth may be silenced and the whole world held accountable to God. Therefore no one will be declared righteous in his sight by observing the law; rather, through the law we become conscious of sin." Through the commandment we only become conscious of our sin, in itself it holds no power for us to conquer sin. Romans 7:18 "...For I have the desire to do what is good, but not the power." I then began to ask another question "Where does sin come from then if God only introduced the Law to make me aware of my sinfulness?" And the answer to this took me back further, right to the beginning, to the very cause of our disobedience to Him. God created Adam and Eve and placed them in the Garden. He also created every living tree and animal and placed them in the garden as well. Two of those trees were in the centre. One was called "The Tree of Life" and the other "The Tree of the knowledge of Good and Evil" God told Adam that he was not to eat from the Tree of the Knowledge of Good and Evil but mentioned nothing about the Tree of Life. Genesis 2:16-17 "And the LORD God commanded the man, "You are free to eat from any tree in the garden; but you must not eat from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, for when you eat of it you will surely die." In this statement, I have always asked God why he only commnded them not to eat from the one tree but not the Tree of Life and the answer that came to me was this. Before Adam and Eve ate from the tree, I believe they spent many hours and days walking through the gardens talking with God and communicating with Him. They spent time in communion with God, in HIs presence BEFORE they understood His nature and His holiness. However, God knew that if they ate from the tree of the good and evil, they would come to understand who He was and what His holiness required of them for them to stand in His presence. Genesis 3:6 " When the woman saw that the fruit was pleasing to the eye and also desireable for gaining wisdom, she took some and ate it." What wisdom could that be other than the 'wisdom' of the standards that God has for us to be in His presence? It was not necessary for Adam and Eve to understand these things, for in understanding, our natural tendancy is to then try and fulfill those standards ourselves. I might add here that it is only God who can live up to His 'standards'. Indeed, it is not something He meets by trying Himself, it is simply in His nature. "God does not conform Himself to those standards, He is the standard." That is a quote from A.W.Tozer I think, I cannot remember what it is called. Why could adam and Eve be in His presence before they ate the fruit? well, I can only guess it is because they met those standards not because they tried, but because it was simply in their nature as well. This will be more clear as I go on, bbut they met those standards by default, because they were spending time with God and had His life in their hearts. From Adam to Moses, man was not aware of their sinfulness. Indeed, they may have known deep in their heart what God's standards were, but they did not know how they broke those standards, so He sent Moses and the Law to show us how utterly sinful we are, to show us where and how we break those standards. Romans 5:12-14 "Therefore, just as sin entered the world through one man, and death through sin, and in this way death came to all men, because all sinned— for before the law was given, sin was in the world. But sin is not taken into account when there is no law. Nevertheless, death reigned from the time of Adam to the time of Moses, even over those who did not sin by breaking a command, as did Adam, who was a pattern of the one to come."
Just to clear something up, let me ask a few more questions. Why, if there was no written 'law', was Adam's sin and the sin of all those to follow him, counted against them? If the verse above is correct, "But sin is not taken into account when there is no law." why were the patriarchs and the people before Moses judged as being sinful in the eyes of God? You can look it up yourself, but there is a verse where Paul discusses the gentiles and how some of them are more righteous than the Jews because they obey the Law without knowing what the written law is, simply because 'it is written on their hearts.' So, I think the case is the same with the rest of mankind, even though we might not have the written law like the Jews, we do know in our hearts what is right and what is wrong.
So all this being said, you might be wondering how then we can be obedient to these standards, if the Law that was meant to show us clearly what they were and how we broke them, didn't bring the power necessary to be obedient. Well, therein lies why Christ came for us and how the rest of Romans falls into place and begins to make sense.
As I said, I cannot quote all of Romans, you will have to read it yourself and pick out most of things I refer to. For the sake of arguing why Christ is the key to all this, take a look at Romans 5:6 "...when we were still powerless, Christ died for the ungodly." You see, what I have come to know and understand includes so much more than just the Ten Commandments and the O.T. law. Even today, I see Christians entering into a religion where they say they are free from the Law but decieve themselves into simply changing the context of those commandments into a N.T. light. Things like "What would Jesus do" still imply me trying to fit myself and do for myself what I think Christ would have done in the same situation. It's still a standard we live by. We say to ourselves "To be a christian means we have to do this and this and this and this." We have masked them and instead of calling them 'commandments' we call them 'ideals and morals'. Christ came to set us free from having to perform, from having to meet a set of standards. Romans 3:27 "...For we maintain that a man is justified by faith apart from observing the law." If I begin to sound like Paul, it is because I finally understand what he meant. So we are justified by faith apart from observing the law, there is nothing we can do oursleves that can justify us more. To me, that has come to mean that I no longer have to try and comform myself to "WWJD?" I am not justified by trying to do that. I am set free from having to conform myself to any set of standards and I am justified by faith. You might ask then, as Paul brings up a couple times elsewhere "Well does that mean then that I can ignore the law and do what I please? Does that mean the Christ came to abolish the law?" By no means whatsoever! This may sound contradictng, but we still have to meet those standards; God is still God, He did not change Himself so that He can accept sin in His presence. And Christ most certainly did not come to abolish the law, he rather came to uphold the law. Take a look at Romans 3:31 "Do we then nullify the law by this faith? Not at all! Rather, we uphold the Law." And in Romans 2:13 it says "For it is not those who hear the law who are righteous in God's sight, but it is those who obey the Law who will be declared righteous." Now, this is where I began to ask myself, and I ams ure you have too, that if I am justified by faith apart from observing the law, why is it that Paul says it is only those who obey the law that will be declared righteous? Why does he say that by being justified by faith, we uphold the Law? How can the two exist together? It seems impossible doesn't it? But that's because i was thinking of this purely in human terms. The key's to this mainly lie in Romans 6-8. I already quoted text from Romans 7, that very confusing capter that can e summed up to this. "I have the will, the desire to do what is right because the Law made me aware of my sinfulness, but the power to do what is right is not there. The power to do what is right does not reside in the Law because the sinful nature caused the law to rise up in us all kinds of sinful passions." Of course, that is paraphrased. Now the answer of this for me was to remeber the role of Christ. This is where all of this, everything that I have said, all comes together and makes me boil over with excitement. You see, in what the law was powerless to do, Christ came in power and set us free. It is through His power that we can meet the standards of God. Hear me out, I know you've heard all this before and are probably thinking "so what?". It took a radical and dramatic shift into how I see all this playing out to make me realize what that power actually is. You see, it is recorded all over the N.T. especially Romans, that Christ came to give us a new nature, that we live by the Spirit and not the sinful nature etc. What is that new nature? Was it not God's desire to have us restored as we were before the fall of Adam? Why are we Justified by faith and not by works? This nature that is described in the N.T. is the nature that Adam and Eve had before the fall, it is God's desires, God's heart implanted in our own heart. Why does this matter, how do we fulfill His standards? It becomes not something we do on our own strength, indeed, Adam and Eve did not even know they were fulfilling His standards the whole time they were walking with Him. You see, as we spend time with Christ, we should, through His power, be conformed to those standards WITHOUT US EVEN KNOWING IT. Instead of something we TRY to do, it becomes something we do by DEFAULT. Because we're in His PRESENCE. When I understood that, I began to understand why it is not necessary to know right from wrong but because of Adam, we now know the difference. You see, by having faith in Christ we are justified. We uphold the law and agree that it is good not because we try, but because it becomes something we do by nature. It doesn't nullify the Law or God's standards in any way shape or form. THAT is true faith, that is why I want to never stop pushing into Christ and getting to know Him. You see, when we push into Him, our desires change. We stop wanting to do those things of the sinful nature because we know more and more what those do to us and how much it hurts God to see us in them.
Some would ask, "Then does this not take away from our freedom of choice? If we obey God's commandments by default, by nature, then why does that not eliminate our free will?" It doesn't. I will use the pizza example again. I used to love Pizza, I ate it a lot when i was growing up. However, I developed an intolerance to lactose 2 years ago and now, whenever i eat pizza, i get incredibly sick. As a result, I choose not to eat pizza because I simply have no desire to. My choice to eat or not eat is there but I choose not to because I know it will make me sick and I have no desire. In fact, I don't even consider eating cheese topped pizza an option anymore, simply because I want nothing to do with it. That is the same with this, we can still choose to be disobedient, but as we press into Christ, that urge and desire becomes less and less and we begin to consider, like me with the pizza, that sin just isn't even an option anymore. So we obey by nature, by default not because we desire to meet a standard but because God has so impacted our hearts that we don't even consider that separating ourselvs from Him is a viable option anymore. Not anything we do, but what God has done in us. I hope that is much clearer than all my other posts. I must get to bed soon.
Just do this for me, pray and ask the Lord to show you what is truth and what is not. And then, take what I have said here, about how we're justified by faith and yet still uphold the law and read Romans 1 through to 8:17 and maybe you will come to understand as I have.
God Bless
Gregory
10.17.2007
I remembered how to dream
Hey there,
So many memories are flooding back right now. I have bee plagued by a shadow for so long, I had forgotten who I was and who I am meant to be and it took the dreams of a beautiful young woman to wake me up from my stupor. I remember what it's like to dream again, only this time I am beginning to act on those dreams, they are no longer stale. I've written in many journal entries before that I've wanted my life to mean something, that I have wanted to write something totally amazing, something that will shock the world and make it stand in awe of God and begin to ask questions about faith. Such a thing would be so incredible indeed. I've even began to dream about that girl again. If you don't know which girl I am referring to (and you probably don't) she is someone that I used to dream about all the time. I've never met her in person or through MSN, Myspace, Blogspot, or CCNet, and yet I still dreamt about her on a number of occasions. She's white with long, dark black, wavy hair and deep blue eyes. You see, when I dreamt about her all those years ago, I was in a place where I longed to just learn as much as I could about God, about life, about people. It was during a time when my sole desire was to get to know God in an incredible way. I wanted to be His friend like Adam was His friend in the garden of Eden. And everything about this world fascinated me to no end. I wanted to know every culture, wanted to learn every language, wanted to help people in a real way, in a way that mattered. It took Vivian's dreams, her dreams to go to Belfast and her reasons for going, to wake me up. I had been so lost, I had lost the person I was and it affected me so. It's not as if I am going back to the way I was, no this time it is different. This time, I am armed with an understanding of the faith that the Lord wants me to have. That this life is not about rules, what to do and what not to do, but it's aboout relationship; to be close with Him. My only prayer is that the Lord would be with me, that HIs Spirit would rest upon me to empower and enable me to make an impact on this world like I have always wanted to. It's a different world that I step into today, it's a world of opportunity and possibility, one of hope and not despair. May I bring light and hope to those places that need it the most, may Christ's light shine all the brighter and may His presence be seen on me by others. May my words be sweet to the ears and light tot he soul, that men may come to know Him through them. That i my prayer, and I humbly ask that they be fulfilled. Forgiv me for the wrongs I have done and still do Lord, please, let your Spirit come upon me and give me the strength and desire not to do them anymore. I kneel at your throne, awaiting your command and your blessing.
Yours always,
Gregory Benedict Murray
So many memories are flooding back right now. I have bee plagued by a shadow for so long, I had forgotten who I was and who I am meant to be and it took the dreams of a beautiful young woman to wake me up from my stupor. I remember what it's like to dream again, only this time I am beginning to act on those dreams, they are no longer stale. I've written in many journal entries before that I've wanted my life to mean something, that I have wanted to write something totally amazing, something that will shock the world and make it stand in awe of God and begin to ask questions about faith. Such a thing would be so incredible indeed. I've even began to dream about that girl again. If you don't know which girl I am referring to (and you probably don't) she is someone that I used to dream about all the time. I've never met her in person or through MSN, Myspace, Blogspot, or CCNet, and yet I still dreamt about her on a number of occasions. She's white with long, dark black, wavy hair and deep blue eyes. You see, when I dreamt about her all those years ago, I was in a place where I longed to just learn as much as I could about God, about life, about people. It was during a time when my sole desire was to get to know God in an incredible way. I wanted to be His friend like Adam was His friend in the garden of Eden. And everything about this world fascinated me to no end. I wanted to know every culture, wanted to learn every language, wanted to help people in a real way, in a way that mattered. It took Vivian's dreams, her dreams to go to Belfast and her reasons for going, to wake me up. I had been so lost, I had lost the person I was and it affected me so. It's not as if I am going back to the way I was, no this time it is different. This time, I am armed with an understanding of the faith that the Lord wants me to have. That this life is not about rules, what to do and what not to do, but it's aboout relationship; to be close with Him. My only prayer is that the Lord would be with me, that HIs Spirit would rest upon me to empower and enable me to make an impact on this world like I have always wanted to. It's a different world that I step into today, it's a world of opportunity and possibility, one of hope and not despair. May I bring light and hope to those places that need it the most, may Christ's light shine all the brighter and may His presence be seen on me by others. May my words be sweet to the ears and light tot he soul, that men may come to know Him through them. That i my prayer, and I humbly ask that they be fulfilled. Forgiv me for the wrongs I have done and still do Lord, please, let your Spirit come upon me and give me the strength and desire not to do them anymore. I kneel at your throne, awaiting your command and your blessing.
Yours always,
Gregory Benedict Murray
10.15.2007
A dream
I had had a very weird dream last night. It's not often that my dreams disturb me or make me uncomfortable, but this one did. I don't remember all of the exact details (they were gone from my memory when I woke up) but I remember the gist of it. I was a doctor in some very remote village in the jungle. There was this man and a few people who followed him that placed themselves in charge of the village. He wasn't from the village, like myself, he was from a sophisticated society and he controlled this village for some odd reason. I guess as the doctor, I had suspicions about the way in which some people fell ill or were dying. I can't remember the exact circumstances, but I ended up treating someone and discovered something. I could cure the disease but this guy didn't want me to and I guess on my way to look for the cure, this guy brought his friends and these tracking dogs and big machine guns and were trying to catch and either imprison or kill me. I ended up sliding down this steep embankment, covered with large fern-like plants, big trees, moss and all the jungle stuff you'd see. Anyways, it ended at this cliff and at the bottom was a river that passed through my home town. So I jumped into the river and floated away. I guess I hadn't seen my family (I was married) in years and when I got to my town, i got out of the river and ran to my house. I was being chased by a supposed friend of mine who wanted to take me back to the village and who was saying that I wasn't allowed to see my family. Our house was like a trailer and had a small yard/entrance way with a white picket fence. As this friend of mine was trying to catch me, my son came running home from school and saw me and ran towards me. My friend caught up to me, as I had stopped and was yelling out for my son to come to me. My son reached me and I embraced him, crying. Seeing as my son had saw me, my friend allowed me to go inside the house, where my wife was. I guess it had been years since we had seen eachother, she (like the girl i always dream about) had long black hair, was caucasian, and very beautiful. Only, this time her hair had a hint of grey, as we were both older. I embraced her, crying. She was so happy to see me and to see that I was back but it was short lived because I was being forced to go back to this village in the jungle. I had two children, a son and a daughter, who surprisingly weren't that old, and I so desperately wanted to stay with my family. My wife didn't want me to go either so I had said that I would cooperate only if they could come with me. My friend said that the guy in the village didn't need my wife for anything, he needed a doctor, but I guess my wife was currently in the process of learning to be a doctor. She didn't have much more time left before she was finished and I remeber saying goodbye but not like before, I knew I'd see her again. And then my friend took me up to the marina on the river, where we'd take a boat back up to the village. I really did not want to go back there, I knew my wife and children needed me at home and felt robbed and helpless that I was being taken away from them again. I also didn't want them in that vilalge with me either, but my desire to be with them to protect them was greater. I was a prisoner in every sense of the word; even though i was free to go anywhere and do anything in the village i had come from, I was still a prisoner.
I should have mentioned this in church, but I was so tired I couldn't think clearly at all. I slept while I waited for the ferry, slept on the ferry, got home, had a little something for lunch, and then slept from 3-7. I don't know why I was so tired, I've had less sleep than that before and been more awake, but yeah. I'm not saying I think there is a meaning to this one (it is no more strange than all my other dreams that I have, like the one i had between 3 and 7) but for some reason, when i woke up I felt a heaviness and i rarely ever get that from my dreams... a heaviness.
Anyways, if you're the praying type, say a little prayer for me
TTYL
Greg
I should have mentioned this in church, but I was so tired I couldn't think clearly at all. I slept while I waited for the ferry, slept on the ferry, got home, had a little something for lunch, and then slept from 3-7. I don't know why I was so tired, I've had less sleep than that before and been more awake, but yeah. I'm not saying I think there is a meaning to this one (it is no more strange than all my other dreams that I have, like the one i had between 3 and 7) but for some reason, when i woke up I felt a heaviness and i rarely ever get that from my dreams... a heaviness.
Anyways, if you're the praying type, say a little prayer for me
TTYL
Greg
9.24.2007
A very New Me Continued
Here's another post of mine from Human Heaven. It still goes into further detail of what I have been coming to learn. Let me know what you think! In other words, if you think I am totally cracked up or not.
YFTCF
Greg
"I'm not judging myself or anyone else, but I do not believe I am obeying God if I continually look at and lust over women. Was it not you filth-man who said that Christ came and set a standard far beyond what anyone else ever even considered? That is "If you even look at a women lustfully, you have commited adultry in your heart with her." What about that? I am not being obedient to God if I continually lust. And you still don't seem to understand what I mean. I will resist, but that resistance has to bring about a complete change of heart one day. Resitance, if it does not bring about a change one day, means nothing to me. The goal that I press on for and pray for is a completely changed heart. It is not a religion where I have to say "I can't do this" "I can't do that" "These are the standards Christ laid out and I have to meet them" it's a faith that says "Thank you God for changing my heart, giving me your heart, that I may be forever in communion with you, as a friend." To simply obey is not the faith I want, the faith I want is a faith where I am walking with God in the garden of Eden being in communion with Him, Having His heart and His desires planted in me, figuratively speaking. Why do we have to settle for less?
Your dad was quoting Romans 7:13-25. However, you cannot forget or leave out the chapters before or after those. Paul talks about living life in the Spirit, that obedience doesn't flow from "I have to do this, I have to do that" but from friendship and communion with God. A relationship where He doesn't tell us what we're not supposed to do, but one where He changes our heart so we don't even consider doing those things in the first place. Does this mean it takes away our choice? Not at all, we still choose not to lust, not to hate etc. but those choices are strengthened by a heart that doesn't desire those things anymore. It's like me and pizza; I am lactose intolerent now (i developed it in 2005) and pizza happens to be the worst for me. I liked pizza, but because of what it does to me I don't even desire to eat it anymore and therefore, I choose not to. The choice for me to eat is still there, but I don't desire to. There is a verse here that I absolutely love. Romans 7:16-19 "When I act against my own will, by that very fact I agree that the law is good. This indicates that it is not I who do it, but sin which resides in me. I know that no good dwells in me, that is, in my flesh; the desire to do right is there, but not the power. What happens is that I do, not the good i will to do, but the evil I do not intend." Since chirst set that rather large standard (i agree, to show us we can't even attain it on our own)that even the desire to sleep with someone is sin, why then should I have to go through life always having to 'avert my eyes' to keep those desires from rising up in myself? I understand that Paul says Christ came to set us free from that law, of knowing what i want to do but not being able to do it. This was just one of many things I am pressing for, but the reason being is because I want to be free to look at my sisters in christ without having my mind going immediately to how good looking they are and how much i want to just sleep with them. I don't struggle with this so much with my female friends who are spoken for, like Elina, it's the ones that are single or the ones I simply don't know personally and don't know if they're single that I struggle with.
Anyways, I'm leaving it at that. I am pressing for a change of heart in this area, and many others, because I know I don't have to live with it the rest of my life. No longer simple obedience, but a change of heart, no longer simple "good feelings" but a change of heart."
YFTCF
Greg
"I'm not judging myself or anyone else, but I do not believe I am obeying God if I continually look at and lust over women. Was it not you filth-man who said that Christ came and set a standard far beyond what anyone else ever even considered? That is "If you even look at a women lustfully, you have commited adultry in your heart with her." What about that? I am not being obedient to God if I continually lust. And you still don't seem to understand what I mean. I will resist, but that resistance has to bring about a complete change of heart one day. Resitance, if it does not bring about a change one day, means nothing to me. The goal that I press on for and pray for is a completely changed heart. It is not a religion where I have to say "I can't do this" "I can't do that" "These are the standards Christ laid out and I have to meet them" it's a faith that says "Thank you God for changing my heart, giving me your heart, that I may be forever in communion with you, as a friend." To simply obey is not the faith I want, the faith I want is a faith where I am walking with God in the garden of Eden being in communion with Him, Having His heart and His desires planted in me, figuratively speaking. Why do we have to settle for less?
Your dad was quoting Romans 7:13-25. However, you cannot forget or leave out the chapters before or after those. Paul talks about living life in the Spirit, that obedience doesn't flow from "I have to do this, I have to do that" but from friendship and communion with God. A relationship where He doesn't tell us what we're not supposed to do, but one where He changes our heart so we don't even consider doing those things in the first place. Does this mean it takes away our choice? Not at all, we still choose not to lust, not to hate etc. but those choices are strengthened by a heart that doesn't desire those things anymore. It's like me and pizza; I am lactose intolerent now (i developed it in 2005) and pizza happens to be the worst for me. I liked pizza, but because of what it does to me I don't even desire to eat it anymore and therefore, I choose not to. The choice for me to eat is still there, but I don't desire to. There is a verse here that I absolutely love. Romans 7:16-19 "When I act against my own will, by that very fact I agree that the law is good. This indicates that it is not I who do it, but sin which resides in me. I know that no good dwells in me, that is, in my flesh; the desire to do right is there, but not the power. What happens is that I do, not the good i will to do, but the evil I do not intend." Since chirst set that rather large standard (i agree, to show us we can't even attain it on our own)that even the desire to sleep with someone is sin, why then should I have to go through life always having to 'avert my eyes' to keep those desires from rising up in myself? I understand that Paul says Christ came to set us free from that law, of knowing what i want to do but not being able to do it. This was just one of many things I am pressing for, but the reason being is because I want to be free to look at my sisters in christ without having my mind going immediately to how good looking they are and how much i want to just sleep with them. I don't struggle with this so much with my female friends who are spoken for, like Elina, it's the ones that are single or the ones I simply don't know personally and don't know if they're single that I struggle with.
Anyways, I'm leaving it at that. I am pressing for a change of heart in this area, and many others, because I know I don't have to live with it the rest of my life. No longer simple obedience, but a change of heart, no longer simple "good feelings" but a change of heart."
9.23.2007
A Very New Me
So It's been a while. Some friends and family of mine are complaining that they can't view my myspace because it takes too long to load on their slower connections so I decided to start posting on here again. The following paragraphs are what God has been showing me and telling me lately.
First a few updates, Colorado didn't work out. Lea is a non-issue now, I had, and broke up with another girlfriend because she is moving to Belfast, for good, and I was forest fire fighting for the summer. Oh yeah.... I forgot to mention that I am producing a promotional DVD for my area. I start filming this week!!! Oh yeah, another thing. I am also in the process of writing a story.
God Bless all!
Greg
Here are those posts.
"I just finished reading the novel, "The Shack". It is an incredibly delicious and powerful story that every human being on the planet should read one day. I have been praying for a very long time about what friends and friendship truly mean. As things happen to me I've come to formulate a very high perception of what it means to be friends, this you know already from some of my previous posts. I had ended up talking to a very good freind of mine a couple months ago about this very matter. He had mentioned that maybe, the way I see friendship was the way God wanted us to be friends with Him. You know the standard, that there is ultimate trust between friends, that truth and honesty rule and that to be called a 'friend' means so much more than mere acquaintences, as this world so lovingly embraces; that to be called a freind means you embark on something that is immeasurably deep and profound. When we were talking about it, we could sense that we didn't come to a full understanding of how God sees friendship. That, yes, He sees it as something that is deep and goes beyond the simple mundane, but we felt there was something more, or at least I did, I cannot speak for Jay, I can only trust, through understanding the character that he is, that he felt the same as I did. The last couple months have been spent in utter prayer, I have been desiring to know what God's view was on the matter. And then I read "The Shack" and although it confirmed (and yes this statement will shatter the boundaries of reason for you) in me that God's view of friendship was the same as I have been thinking the past few months, it also entirely contradicted the view I had set up as to what friendship with Him and everyone else should look like. Why you ask? How could the book confirm, yet also contradict what I have come to believe? Because the novel opened a whole new door on what God's Character truly is. without quoting the book (which would take a while) it is impossible for me to explain fully the realization that I have come to. There is a point, near the end of the book where God, as all three entities each sitting at the table as if they were 3 spereate people (and yet still one) is talking to Mack, the main character. God the Spirit takes the task of explaining an incredible truth to Mack and the other 2 of the three interject now and then with samll comments to re-inforce what the Spirit is saying. The Spirit is talking to Mack about God being a Verb "I am" and how that verb brings life and dynamic to the world and to their very being of who God is. It's explaining (forgive me for the non-gender noun) to Mack how humans have taken verbs and 'nouns with movement and experience buried inside of them; the ability to respond to expectancy' (pg. 205) to nouns that take all life, all the expectancy, out and rather replace them with responsibility and expectation. The Spirit goes on to give the eample of friendship. When i first read it my reaction was quite similar to that of Macks throughout the whole book. I wanted to rise up and defend myself and say "But...!!!!" here's what the Spirit says in the novel,
"Mack, if you and I are friends, there is an expectancy that exists within our relationship. When we see each other or are apart, there is expectancy of being together, of laughing and talking (of being deep friends, i will add for myself). That expectancy has no concrete definition; it is alive and dynamic and everything that emerges from our being together is a unique gift shared by no one else. But what happens if I change that 'expectancy' to an 'expectation' - spoken or unspoken? Suddenly, law has entered into our relationship. You are now expected to perform in a way that meets my expectations. Our living friendship rapidly deteriorates into a dead thing with rules and requirements. It is no longer about you and me, but about what friends are supposed to do, or the responsibilities of a good friend." Those statements shook me to my very core and everything that I was wanted to rise up in defense of the stance that I had. And then, totally sperate from the book but still connected, God spoke to me. You see, His character, as I have come to now understand, is not one of rules and regulations, it is not one of me having to perform to meet a set of standards He has set out for me. His character, although He loves me dearly, is one where He will desire and long for me to have a deep and meaningful relationship with Him, but will never force it upon me. My relationship with Him will go as deep as I allow it to go. And it was then, when i realized all this, that He really rocked my world. He told me -not through the book as the book didn't mention this- that, yes, He desires us humans to have deep and meaningful relationships with others, that to be friends would mean to expereince something so deep, mysterious and incredible and amazing. However, because He will not force us, or more importantly me, to have that kind of relationship with Him, I, even though I strongly desire and long for those types of relationships with people, cannot force anyone to live in those kinds of expectations. Indeed, to be truly immeresed in His Character and to truly be someone who follows His example, even though I do desire to have those kinds of relationships, it is my duty to let go of the expectation and allow my friends to choose to enter into a relationship like that. To choose to be honest, to trust, and to enjoy that. It is not wrong if they don't choose, what is wrong is if I never gave them the chance to choose. That is God's Love, that is what it means. You have no idea how big this revelation is to me, I feel as if I fully understand now why God died on a cross for me, why God allowed me, allowed us to choose Him or the Tree of the Knowledge of Good and Evil. Without choice, there can be no Love; without Choice, there can be no friendship, or rather, no joy within that 'friendship' or 'relationship'. And if there is noy joy, is there really a friendship? It has completely rocked my world and turned it so upside down from what i concieved it to be. The novel managed to do something that hasn't occoured since i first became a Christian, and that is truly convict me, not condemn, for something I had believed and held onto that was so twisted. It revealed my true and utter selfishness and yet I am overjoyed. I feel no guilt, but I am utterly and truly sorry for it. Yes, I saw God's desire for how He wants us to live and be friends, but like everyone else and like satan himself, I took what was good and twisted it to serve my own ends. I am so overjoyed that God has forgiven me, I am so overjoyed.
I pray everyone I have ever hurt before in the past can forgive me. I pray i can be a model of this kind of relationship, of this kind of love, to the world I live in and that God would give me the strength and grace to let go of my selfishness. This is the true treasure He wants me to let go, the treasure of my control over the world in which I live and just trust Him, and I do, Trust Him.
I love you all
Your sincere friend and brother in Christ
Gregory"
"Hey there,
So the following paragraphs are from a couple posts I put up at www.humanheaven.com
They touch on what I leanred about freindship, but it's carried over into a whole bunch of different areas. Please, read them and let me know what you think.
Before I post them both, there is a quote from one of them I want you to read first:
"It's healthy to disucss and understand things, they're both a means to an end; the end being that we can truly grow in our faith. But if we are not careful, discussion and understanding can suffocate and dry out the very end that we wish to come to."
Here's the rest of it, that quote above was just to get you thinking on the same track as I am on:
"I've been kind of at a fork in the road. I've been constantly asking the question of why humans like to discuss things so much. All this stuff I've posted so far is all just knowledge. I can get so caught up with trying to understand things with my head that I forget to stop and understand them with my heart. It's good to discuss things, but is that all we're supposed to do? Sit in our rooms or wherever and formulate theories? Study the Bible for the sake of gleaning some unknown truth hidden amongst it's pages? I've been feeling that it's just all so lifeless and dry. I've felt so lifeless and dry, like my faith was reduced (and it's not because of this website) to cramming knowledge into my head. And of late, I've been praying for God to show me, not how to think and form theories of faith, but to learn to walk in faith. I have a saying that goes "You can poke and prod something from the outside all you want and only come to a simple understanding of it. But it's not until you step inside it, until you enter it, that you will come to understand it fully, as it was meant to be understood." Basically, I'm tired of my words and I just want to expereince real love, real relationship, and real fellowship with God. That is why I am so frustrated right now. Yes, all these things I've said are what I have come to believe but I could really care less, I just want a relationship with Him and that's all that matters to me right now. Everything else melts away, because all that matters is that relationship with Him. So yeah, I'm not trying to understand things anymore, I'm just trying to have a real faith and a real trust in God. The Bible being complete, prophecies being true or false, big churches verses small churches, slavery vs. freedom, all of that means very little when you stop, focus on and live out God's Love. Maybe that's what paul meant by His verse that you brought up Elina, I don't know. But it's where I am at and truly, all this stuff seems to pale in comparison. It's quite a weird palce to be in. It's like my whole world has been turned on end. All this is why I've been so frustrated with churches, with denominations, with dry knowledge, with religion... It doesn't matter to me if so and so is a great speaker, or if such and such denomination has more of it right than the others... It just doesn't matter to me anymore... There's so much more to this Life of following Jesus than all these other things combined. I dunno. So Filth-man. I m sorry if i seem frustrated at you. I'm not, I am frustrated at myself because I see what I have limited myself to. You may not limit yourselves by all this, but I have been. It's... quite hard to explain where I am at really... It's like I've limited my faith by saying many things like "This is how you determine a false prophet." or "This is what it means to be a friend." or "Following God means you do this and this and this." and I've come to see that by setting those types of definite values of what this and that mean, I've stifled and suffocated the relationship God wants me to have with Him and others. Anyways, I will leave it at that. I might be posting a recent testimony of mine," (for you blog readers, that's the "A New Understanding" post) "but I havn't decided if i wanted to yet or not. However, it will explain more of this and probably in a better way."
"Oh no, don't get me wrong. I think understanding things is good, but, what does that understanding lead us to? I mean, to debate and talk about things is awesome, but... let me put it this way. It's healthy to disucss and understand things, they're both a means to an end; the end being that we can truly grow in our faith. But if we are not careful, discussion and understanding can suffocate and dry out the very end that we wish to come to. Which isn't knowledge, but relationship with God. And no, it wasn't you who brought this frustration on me, I've always sought knowledge. I studied revelations for 6 months straight once. I was reading my Bible sure, but I wasn't getting anything from it for my heart. I did a lot of research, comparing every passage of scripture that talked about the end times, focusing mostly on Daniel, Matthew and Revelations. I brought some good things out of that for sure, but did it help me grow closer to God or did it just fill my head with knowledge? Do you see what I am getting at? I find it more useful to me now to grow closer in my relationship with God than it is to constantly fill my head with knowledge. If I serve God with my head, but not my heart, what good will it do me? If i worship God with my head, and not my heart, what good will it do me? Knowledge without love is a resounding gong. It is empty, it means nothing.
I don't know enough about thiestic evolution, I just know what it teaches. I like it, i think it is cool, but what is it to me? Why do I need to understand it? To me, it's like discussing how old the earth is. Is there any proof on how old the earth is? I mean, solid proof? I heard one theory once that was based more on logic than any evidence and that was that God created the earth with an age, like he created everything else; Man wasn't created a baby, he was created a full grown man. But... why does this matter? Really, please don't get me wrong, I love to understand things, if you knew my nature you'd know that when i see something happen, I immediately want to know why it happens. I pay attention to small details. But like i said, don't let the means to the end, suffocate the end.
And yeah, new research could be new revelation, but should it be added to the Bible? Scienctific revelation, that is, revelations about the world we live in, are in a totally seperate category from spiritual revelations, revelations about hell, God, Christ, The Holy Spirit, Satan, the angels. I believe God showed us all we need to know about His character and how we are to live our lives spiritually in the Bible. He designed us to be curious, so what a perfect fit science and new discoveries are for us. So yeah, I wasn't arguing that there are no new revelations, just that things like scientific revelations shouldn't be added to the Bible and other things like totally brand new spiritual revelations can't be added to the Bible, they can only point out and connect the dots that we can't see ourselves that lie in the Bible's pages. That's my stance on that...
Anyways, i hope i havn't confused anyone, I was just a little frustrated with myself. I think that one line sums up all of how I feel, and if you've lost sight of it, here it is again. 'Don't let the means to the end, suffocate the end.'"
God Bless!
YFTCF
Gregory P.S. Let me know what you think! And don't just agree with me, pray about it and come back and tell me how wrong I am or something."
First a few updates, Colorado didn't work out. Lea is a non-issue now, I had, and broke up with another girlfriend because she is moving to Belfast, for good, and I was forest fire fighting for the summer. Oh yeah.... I forgot to mention that I am producing a promotional DVD for my area. I start filming this week!!! Oh yeah, another thing. I am also in the process of writing a story.
God Bless all!
Greg
Here are those posts.
"I just finished reading the novel, "The Shack". It is an incredibly delicious and powerful story that every human being on the planet should read one day. I have been praying for a very long time about what friends and friendship truly mean. As things happen to me I've come to formulate a very high perception of what it means to be friends, this you know already from some of my previous posts. I had ended up talking to a very good freind of mine a couple months ago about this very matter. He had mentioned that maybe, the way I see friendship was the way God wanted us to be friends with Him. You know the standard, that there is ultimate trust between friends, that truth and honesty rule and that to be called a 'friend' means so much more than mere acquaintences, as this world so lovingly embraces; that to be called a freind means you embark on something that is immeasurably deep and profound. When we were talking about it, we could sense that we didn't come to a full understanding of how God sees friendship. That, yes, He sees it as something that is deep and goes beyond the simple mundane, but we felt there was something more, or at least I did, I cannot speak for Jay, I can only trust, through understanding the character that he is, that he felt the same as I did. The last couple months have been spent in utter prayer, I have been desiring to know what God's view was on the matter. And then I read "The Shack" and although it confirmed (and yes this statement will shatter the boundaries of reason for you) in me that God's view of friendship was the same as I have been thinking the past few months, it also entirely contradicted the view I had set up as to what friendship with Him and everyone else should look like. Why you ask? How could the book confirm, yet also contradict what I have come to believe? Because the novel opened a whole new door on what God's Character truly is. without quoting the book (which would take a while) it is impossible for me to explain fully the realization that I have come to. There is a point, near the end of the book where God, as all three entities each sitting at the table as if they were 3 spereate people (and yet still one) is talking to Mack, the main character. God the Spirit takes the task of explaining an incredible truth to Mack and the other 2 of the three interject now and then with samll comments to re-inforce what the Spirit is saying. The Spirit is talking to Mack about God being a Verb "I am" and how that verb brings life and dynamic to the world and to their very being of who God is. It's explaining (forgive me for the non-gender noun) to Mack how humans have taken verbs and 'nouns with movement and experience buried inside of them; the ability to respond to expectancy' (pg. 205) to nouns that take all life, all the expectancy, out and rather replace them with responsibility and expectation. The Spirit goes on to give the eample of friendship. When i first read it my reaction was quite similar to that of Macks throughout the whole book. I wanted to rise up and defend myself and say "But...!!!!" here's what the Spirit says in the novel,
"Mack, if you and I are friends, there is an expectancy that exists within our relationship. When we see each other or are apart, there is expectancy of being together, of laughing and talking (of being deep friends, i will add for myself). That expectancy has no concrete definition; it is alive and dynamic and everything that emerges from our being together is a unique gift shared by no one else. But what happens if I change that 'expectancy' to an 'expectation' - spoken or unspoken? Suddenly, law has entered into our relationship. You are now expected to perform in a way that meets my expectations. Our living friendship rapidly deteriorates into a dead thing with rules and requirements. It is no longer about you and me, but about what friends are supposed to do, or the responsibilities of a good friend." Those statements shook me to my very core and everything that I was wanted to rise up in defense of the stance that I had. And then, totally sperate from the book but still connected, God spoke to me. You see, His character, as I have come to now understand, is not one of rules and regulations, it is not one of me having to perform to meet a set of standards He has set out for me. His character, although He loves me dearly, is one where He will desire and long for me to have a deep and meaningful relationship with Him, but will never force it upon me. My relationship with Him will go as deep as I allow it to go. And it was then, when i realized all this, that He really rocked my world. He told me -not through the book as the book didn't mention this- that, yes, He desires us humans to have deep and meaningful relationships with others, that to be friends would mean to expereince something so deep, mysterious and incredible and amazing. However, because He will not force us, or more importantly me, to have that kind of relationship with Him, I, even though I strongly desire and long for those types of relationships with people, cannot force anyone to live in those kinds of expectations. Indeed, to be truly immeresed in His Character and to truly be someone who follows His example, even though I do desire to have those kinds of relationships, it is my duty to let go of the expectation and allow my friends to choose to enter into a relationship like that. To choose to be honest, to trust, and to enjoy that. It is not wrong if they don't choose, what is wrong is if I never gave them the chance to choose. That is God's Love, that is what it means. You have no idea how big this revelation is to me, I feel as if I fully understand now why God died on a cross for me, why God allowed me, allowed us to choose Him or the Tree of the Knowledge of Good and Evil. Without choice, there can be no Love; without Choice, there can be no friendship, or rather, no joy within that 'friendship' or 'relationship'. And if there is noy joy, is there really a friendship? It has completely rocked my world and turned it so upside down from what i concieved it to be. The novel managed to do something that hasn't occoured since i first became a Christian, and that is truly convict me, not condemn, for something I had believed and held onto that was so twisted. It revealed my true and utter selfishness and yet I am overjoyed. I feel no guilt, but I am utterly and truly sorry for it. Yes, I saw God's desire for how He wants us to live and be friends, but like everyone else and like satan himself, I took what was good and twisted it to serve my own ends. I am so overjoyed that God has forgiven me, I am so overjoyed.
I pray everyone I have ever hurt before in the past can forgive me. I pray i can be a model of this kind of relationship, of this kind of love, to the world I live in and that God would give me the strength and grace to let go of my selfishness. This is the true treasure He wants me to let go, the treasure of my control over the world in which I live and just trust Him, and I do, Trust Him.
I love you all
Your sincere friend and brother in Christ
Gregory"
"Hey there,
So the following paragraphs are from a couple posts I put up at www.humanheaven.com
They touch on what I leanred about freindship, but it's carried over into a whole bunch of different areas. Please, read them and let me know what you think.
Before I post them both, there is a quote from one of them I want you to read first:
"It's healthy to disucss and understand things, they're both a means to an end; the end being that we can truly grow in our faith. But if we are not careful, discussion and understanding can suffocate and dry out the very end that we wish to come to."
Here's the rest of it, that quote above was just to get you thinking on the same track as I am on:
"I've been kind of at a fork in the road. I've been constantly asking the question of why humans like to discuss things so much. All this stuff I've posted so far is all just knowledge. I can get so caught up with trying to understand things with my head that I forget to stop and understand them with my heart. It's good to discuss things, but is that all we're supposed to do? Sit in our rooms or wherever and formulate theories? Study the Bible for the sake of gleaning some unknown truth hidden amongst it's pages? I've been feeling that it's just all so lifeless and dry. I've felt so lifeless and dry, like my faith was reduced (and it's not because of this website) to cramming knowledge into my head. And of late, I've been praying for God to show me, not how to think and form theories of faith, but to learn to walk in faith. I have a saying that goes "You can poke and prod something from the outside all you want and only come to a simple understanding of it. But it's not until you step inside it, until you enter it, that you will come to understand it fully, as it was meant to be understood." Basically, I'm tired of my words and I just want to expereince real love, real relationship, and real fellowship with God. That is why I am so frustrated right now. Yes, all these things I've said are what I have come to believe but I could really care less, I just want a relationship with Him and that's all that matters to me right now. Everything else melts away, because all that matters is that relationship with Him. So yeah, I'm not trying to understand things anymore, I'm just trying to have a real faith and a real trust in God. The Bible being complete, prophecies being true or false, big churches verses small churches, slavery vs. freedom, all of that means very little when you stop, focus on and live out God's Love. Maybe that's what paul meant by His verse that you brought up Elina, I don't know. But it's where I am at and truly, all this stuff seems to pale in comparison. It's quite a weird palce to be in. It's like my whole world has been turned on end. All this is why I've been so frustrated with churches, with denominations, with dry knowledge, with religion... It doesn't matter to me if so and so is a great speaker, or if such and such denomination has more of it right than the others... It just doesn't matter to me anymore... There's so much more to this Life of following Jesus than all these other things combined. I dunno. So Filth-man. I m sorry if i seem frustrated at you. I'm not, I am frustrated at myself because I see what I have limited myself to. You may not limit yourselves by all this, but I have been. It's... quite hard to explain where I am at really... It's like I've limited my faith by saying many things like "This is how you determine a false prophet." or "This is what it means to be a friend." or "Following God means you do this and this and this." and I've come to see that by setting those types of definite values of what this and that mean, I've stifled and suffocated the relationship God wants me to have with Him and others. Anyways, I will leave it at that. I might be posting a recent testimony of mine," (for you blog readers, that's the "A New Understanding" post) "but I havn't decided if i wanted to yet or not. However, it will explain more of this and probably in a better way."
"Oh no, don't get me wrong. I think understanding things is good, but, what does that understanding lead us to? I mean, to debate and talk about things is awesome, but... let me put it this way. It's healthy to disucss and understand things, they're both a means to an end; the end being that we can truly grow in our faith. But if we are not careful, discussion and understanding can suffocate and dry out the very end that we wish to come to. Which isn't knowledge, but relationship with God. And no, it wasn't you who brought this frustration on me, I've always sought knowledge. I studied revelations for 6 months straight once. I was reading my Bible sure, but I wasn't getting anything from it for my heart. I did a lot of research, comparing every passage of scripture that talked about the end times, focusing mostly on Daniel, Matthew and Revelations. I brought some good things out of that for sure, but did it help me grow closer to God or did it just fill my head with knowledge? Do you see what I am getting at? I find it more useful to me now to grow closer in my relationship with God than it is to constantly fill my head with knowledge. If I serve God with my head, but not my heart, what good will it do me? If i worship God with my head, and not my heart, what good will it do me? Knowledge without love is a resounding gong. It is empty, it means nothing.
I don't know enough about thiestic evolution, I just know what it teaches. I like it, i think it is cool, but what is it to me? Why do I need to understand it? To me, it's like discussing how old the earth is. Is there any proof on how old the earth is? I mean, solid proof? I heard one theory once that was based more on logic than any evidence and that was that God created the earth with an age, like he created everything else; Man wasn't created a baby, he was created a full grown man. But... why does this matter? Really, please don't get me wrong, I love to understand things, if you knew my nature you'd know that when i see something happen, I immediately want to know why it happens. I pay attention to small details. But like i said, don't let the means to the end, suffocate the end.
And yeah, new research could be new revelation, but should it be added to the Bible? Scienctific revelation, that is, revelations about the world we live in, are in a totally seperate category from spiritual revelations, revelations about hell, God, Christ, The Holy Spirit, Satan, the angels. I believe God showed us all we need to know about His character and how we are to live our lives spiritually in the Bible. He designed us to be curious, so what a perfect fit science and new discoveries are for us. So yeah, I wasn't arguing that there are no new revelations, just that things like scientific revelations shouldn't be added to the Bible and other things like totally brand new spiritual revelations can't be added to the Bible, they can only point out and connect the dots that we can't see ourselves that lie in the Bible's pages. That's my stance on that...
Anyways, i hope i havn't confused anyone, I was just a little frustrated with myself. I think that one line sums up all of how I feel, and if you've lost sight of it, here it is again. 'Don't let the means to the end, suffocate the end.'"
God Bless!
YFTCF
Gregory P.S. Let me know what you think! And don't just agree with me, pray about it and come back and tell me how wrong I am or something."
2.25.2007
Hey
So some of you are probably wondering why i decided to approve the new comment. I approved it to disban anything i might have said to confuse matters. She didn't cheat on me and i definitely do not think she is a b****. I don't hate her and I don't wish her ill fortune of any kind. We went our seperate ways and tat's fine by me, I just wish it could have been different and i wish she would have been honest with me in the first place in saying that she didn't think we could stay friends. That's all I care about, a bit of honesty. When you tell me one thing and then a little while later change your mind, well nothing could be worse in my books.
Anyways, that's what i have to say about it, and the situation is over... I've moved on :)
Anyways, that's what i have to say about it, and the situation is over... I've moved on :)
1.05.2007
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