Hey

Hi there,

I deleted a couple posts because people were just going to mis-interpret why i had them up in the first place. I had a really really bad dream last night. It felt kind of like a judgement almost, where everything i have ever done was shown to me, everyone in the dream kept calling me selfish, and yeah. All it did was point at all my faults and basically mock me for them. I was ripped apart and torn down, and then it was all thrown in my face. You see a lot of the dream had to do with what happened in Toronto, I felt the stinging judging words from Danielle again and then, when it was all said and done and i felt like the most horrible person in the world, I was mocked by someone showing me pictures of her taking her top off for the guy she said she wasn't dating. It burned. Basically the whole dream was a mockery and everyone i ever cared for was taking a turn. Why is it that I can't write about my struggles and what I am trying to deal with without feeling so selfish? Without people telling me I am being selfish? Why can't people realize that anything and everything they might consider in the situation, I have already considered myself? I don't have the time to write down every thought I have had on a matter, that would take forever. I'm an analytical person and I consider every single little sidechain there is. If I miss one, it's not for lack of trying or caring or being selfish. If i write about something on the internet, it's not to stab out at people, it's more to get my frustrations out and help me come to a decision, because it means i usually havn't decided yet.
what is the song? "I was sure by now, God you would have reached down and wiped our tears away, stepped in and saved the day but once agian I say amen and it's still raining. But as the thunder rolls I barely hear your whisper through the rain 'I'm with you' and as your mercy falls I raise my hands and praise the God who gives and takes away. I'll praise You in this storm and I will lift my hands, for You are who You are, no matter where I am and every tear i've cried you hold in your hand, you never left my side and though my heart is torn I will praise you in this storm. I remeber when i stumbleded in the wind, you heard my cry to you and raised me up again. My strength is almost gone, how can i carry on, if i can't find You. But as the thunder rolls I barely hear your whisper through the rain 'I'm with you' And as your mercy falls, I raise my hands and praise the God who gives and takes away."
This time in my life is a true storm, clouded with pain, the loss of freindship, and my own selfishness and I can barely hear His voice, if I even can; if i am even worthy to hear His voice...
Greg